The answer is – a) Poor me; b) Pour me; or c) Paw me aka Cleaning out my closet (#Team Duke – the series)

Posted on by View from the ground

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“When you are here and now, sitting totally, not jumping ahead, the miracle has happened. To be in the moment is the miracle.” – Osho

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analysing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”
― Tupac Shakur

Oh no! A blog about ‘that’ subject again. Noooooooooo! Fear not, whilst I might reflect (but, so does a mirror. There’s a thought – mirror mirror on the wall, what do you see? Well, now that’s a good question. However, the more relevant question is, what do you see? Is it you or is it a clone? Are you a member of the clone roses brigade?), this is all about cleaning out my closet. Mmmm ‘n’ mmmmmmm.

Hello and welcome to my field of dreams, where I perch to observe and smile.

Following some recent blogs, I have been made aware that they may have been misinterpreted, as they appear to have caused the reader to go to Facebook to express their views – not directly, so maybe I’m being over sensitive. I do have a tendency to be a tad sensitive at times. With reason? You decide.

Anyway, the joys of social media also allow me to restate the purpose of the blogs. So, for the record, they are: –
* written from the heart and with love;
* a reflection of the journey that we have been on for the last 14 months and more;
* honest;
* an open expression of love for family and friends; and
* not written for the consumption of others who want to use the intent of the blogs to massage their guilt / ego / ‘beliefs’.

If the #TeamDuke blogs can inspire others in this world filled with ego, bring it on.

So, any deluded, shapeshifting, ‘we’re on a soul journey’ people out there, I suggest you don’t read on. I’m sure you’ll find 144,000 reasons to think this blog is about you. Don’t forget, save the cheerleader, save the world 😜. Although, as the worldly wise Tina Turner once observed from her view from the stage, ‘we don’t need another hero’. Yatta!

Is this playing out the poor me syndrome? The regular reader will know that I’ve mentioned previously ‘poor me’. It’s a concept from the Celestine Prophecy (excellent book) and it’s something I have had pointed at me in the past. You know what, I agree! I realise I could / can feel blood sorry for myself. Hello, I’m a man, that’s what we do best!! (Exclamation mark frenzy creeping in!!!!!!!!). However, the definition below, lifted from t’internet, is a different kind of person, I believe. A special kind of person. I’ll just leave the words, as below, hanging there as we pause for thought.

‘Poor me’s make us feel guilty and responsible for them. They complain and whinge about problems, offering no solutions. They make you feel guilty when you’re in their presence, even though you know there is no reason to feel that way. Everything they say and do puts you in a place where you have to defend against the idea that you’re not doing enough for them.’

No, please be assured, I’m not play the ‘poor me’ now. I’m celebrating the purpose of the blogs and am grateful for the support that the blogs, and #TeamDuke, continue to receive. Thank you, and similarly thank you from my heart for the beautiful feedback and comments received.

So, another blog in the world of #TeamDuke. In the words of M People, we continue to be moving on up through what has been a real year of progress. Our unity just goes from strength to strength, as we work together as a ……….. team. All for one and one for all! As the regular reader will know (note, I keep referring to ‘reader’ not ‘readers’, as I don’t want to make assumptions), our ‘team’ is a collective of all who want to join us, but the core unit expanded this year with the inclusion of the truly wonderful Audrey. Never has a person completely shown unconditional love – in my eyes – than Audrey. And, the magic is, she doesn’t realise it. So many could learn from her.

But one of my own personal learnings through the past few months, as previously written – #TeamDuke raise a glass and toast routine, is to break routine.

I’m a regular user of Facebook and, as had been pointed out, I did like to share posts about my love of red wine. And rose. And beer. And …… I think you get the picture. I do love a drink but, after my rude awakening last year, I started to thing – do I love a drink or does a drink love me? You know the pattern, a hard day at work, you get home and before you know it you’ve poured a glass of wine. It was a routine.

I’d have a glass of wine, maybe a glass and a half. It just happened. I won’t explore how having a glass and a half of shared bottle of wine always resulted in an empty bottle.

Anyway, time to change the routine. I’m certainly not preaching the virtues of not having a glass of wine. But, and I know to most this will sound obvious, but a nice cuppa tea hits the spot perfectly.

I guess I needed an awakening to realise I had to clean out the wine drinking closet and become me. Glass of wine? Not tonight, I’m have a cuppa. Never night, glass of wine? Don’t mind if I do. As Chicago sang, it’s been a hard habit to break but my new, vibrant, energised, happy, fun, positive (YES, WE GET THE PICTURE!!!! ENOUGH!!) life has opened my eyes. To paraphrase another song, you don’t have to have a drink to have a good time – oh no.

Having said all of the above, I’ve just spend 3 days travelling in and out of the Leeds Festival with Ben (who paid for me 😅) and have been polishing off a couple of drinks before midday. Hypocritical? Nah. Live for the moment, that’s all I’m getting at. It’s been a case of stopping pour me before it became poor me.

Again, as has been written, another welcome addition to #TeamDuke has been our beautiful dog, Ringo. Such a bundle of fun, energy, positivity, and love. When it feels like the weight of the world is falling onto your shoulders, the love of a dog is quite overwhelming (although the sound of him right now pacing and panting because he wants a walk is overwhelming for different reasons). He’s now taken to throw a front leg over me when I’m in bed in the morning to remind me to live in the moment and …….. feel the love. It’s his paw me moment. A damned sight better than poor me or pour me.

Have you chosen your answer to the question in the title?

As so, to close. Cleaning out my closet? As you can tell from this any recent blogs, there has been a lot of cleansing going on for #TeamDuke. A lot of cleaning. The local charity shop will soon benefit from some clothing. There’s still a few copies of the book – These Wings Can Fly. I wrote a blog last year about the 6 degrees of separation. Well I wonder if I, 6 people away from meeting the person who can turn that work of fiction, fabrication, and folly (3 F’s) into a film. I can already see the queue of actors wanting to join in – particularly the actor who plays Captain Obvious in the http://www.hotels.com advertisements in the UK. He would be perfect for the ‘male’ (note, not man) lead. Look the actor up.

I’m afraid some of the books have had to go. 50 Shades Of Purple was a bit of an odd one. I’m not sure I get the channeling of physical energy in the name of been twin souls will appeal to the right minded. Raven Bonkers Or Just Cuckoo is a sad read. Joking apart, I am not making light of mental health issues. As some who has flown in and out of depression for many years, and supported and being their for my daughter who has struggled on a much deeper basis, I know the seriousness of the illness. However, the key is recognising you are ill in the first place. But, with regards to the book title referred to – it helps to know the difference between a raven and a crow.

At that, I will close. As always, I’ve enjoyed writing this blog. I’ll leave you with a final concept I am working on – about how to change myself without changing me. I actually think I’m getting there. Think about it. Some people think they need a whole makeover when it’s just a bit of fine tuning.

I hope you have enjoyed reading these words. If you have, please spread the word. Together is far greater than apart.

 

Jon

#TeamDuke raise a glass and toast routine

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👁❤️2 ……………………….. routinely have routine

“Being a father has been, without a doubt, my greatest source of achievement, pride and inspiration. Fatherhood has taught me about unconditional love, reinforced the importance of giving back and taught me how to be a better person.” – Naveen Jain

Routine – “a sequence of actions regularly followed.”

Toast – “a call to a gathering of people to raise their glasses and drink together in honour of a person or thing, or an instance of drinking in this way.” However I prefer – “sliced bread browned on both sides by exposure to radiant heat, such as a grill or fire.”

Så velkommen til mine observationer fra Base Ground, or as I am better saying, so welcome to my observations from Base Ground. I thought I’d break with routine and try a bit of Danish. If I’ve got it wrong, blame Google Translate.

Now, that’s an interesting concept, breaking with routine when the whole purpose of this blog is to raise a glass and toast routine.

Well, now there’s a thought and, as well trodden readers will know, I do like to examine thoughts.

It’s been a while since the previous blog – #TeamRingo – my view from the ground. I loved writing that blog and I hope it was an enjoyable read. I know I’ve banged on about how the life of #TeamDuke has changed in the last year but, with a few last remaining ‘adjustments’ to be made, life is pretty damn good. And, thank you for asking.

I’d be lying if I said things don’t still make us sad. The great Chester Bennington from Linkin Park taking his life this week was heartbreaking. 41 years old, married, with 6 children. Wealth beyond what most of us could dream. Respected by his peers, adored by his fans. But, his tortured mind did not see a way forward so he ended his life. Truly sad. When will the world wake up and understand that wealth and fame do not equal happiness. EVERYONE needs love, support, and understanding from beyond their immediate circle – beyond adoration. This understanding must be focussed on the heart healing the head. This, of course, is in my humble opinion. There is hope for us all, but we need to ensure we can all see that. We need to make sure that we can all see the light. Rest in peace Chester. May you have now found your place of stillness and balance.

I’m grateful for my life and all that it brings – even the challenges (spell check just changed that to ‘chalkboard’).

I now learn from the challenges and use that learning to, hopefully, help others. My life purpose – helping others. Would you believe it? Helping others unconditionally, in the realms of their normal lives and not trying to implant into their minds that there is a high place for them. If you don’t know what I mean, have a look on Facebook where there are several groups / sects trying to ‘reach out’ and convince the vulnerable that there is a way to escape our impending doom. There is, stop looking on Facebook at the groups / sects who are trying to convince you that their way is the right way. YOUR way is the right way! Sorry, rant over. It took me a while to realise that there are 144,000 light energy reasons to realise that ascension is a distraction from the masses doing what actually needs to be done.

Funnily, if you read or hear about some of this clap trap, the world should have ended several times by now. I seem to remember an instance in September 2015 when a disaster was due to strike. When it didn’t, it actually did but only the ‘believers’ would understand. Well, September 2015 is when the Leeds Rhinos won the 2nd of their 3 trophies that year so that wasn’t a disaster for me.

Sorry, I’m making light of a serious subject but I truly worry that groups / sects / cults are forming in a similar way to the moonies and the like. If you’re looking for a cult, join Donald Trump (there goes spell check again!).

Anyway, let’s raise a glass and toast having a damn good rant.

Joking apart about routine, but I guess I have always been a routine kind of person. However, over the last year I have sought to change things around a little bit. A great example is the big shop (for those outside of the UK who don’t understand that term, it is the weekly grocery shop when you stock up on everything you need and a lot that you don’t). I would alway do it on a Saturday. I would have to be on my way by midday. I would have to fill 2 wine carriers (12 bottles). I would need to be home so lunch could be eaten close to 2 pm, etc. Now, I should when I want and how I want. It’s now a month since I last bought any win to have at home. I guess I’ve actually developed a routine of not having a routine.

However, I do love a good routine and I do believe it is good for the mind and spirit. My favourite is when on holiday, Ben and I go out every morning to collect bread and the like for breakfast. W always walk down to the village, wander along the promenade, buy newspapers, look out to see, and then buy breakfast. We talk about the impending football (soccer!!!!) season, the upcoming Leeds Festival etc. Pure joy. I also built into the afternoon of the holiday a good walk with Liv, so that we could have a chat. Well, actually, it’s so Liv can have an ice cream. Whatever it takes, it’s still pure joy.

Talking of the Leeds Festival, which we routinely go to every year, although one routine has been broken this year as Ben is paying for me (❤️), we chose our food type of the weekend and that’s what we stick to. For the last 2 years it’s been good old fish and chips and, for a festival, they are rather good. We even found the same caterers at the recent Let’s Rock Leeds festival. Pure joy!

I know being a free spirit and spontaneous is good and there are times that I’ll go along with the that concept. I just need to schedule it into my routine.

I’m always one for a simple life, so if putting a blend of routine and spontaneity into hat I think I can cope. As I’ve written about this year, 2017 has always being about moving forwards. Yes, #TeamDuke will always need a rant. But, that rant is no longer about looking backwards. It is meant to be about highlighting potential areas of concern that we have experienced and just wan to put out there as a note of caution.

To conclude, what was the purpose of this blog, I hear you asking? Well, the whole idea came about from one of the many reasons why I love our gorgeous dog, Ringo. Routine! Every morning, he joins me for breakfast – as simple as that. I wander into the kitchen, potter around, drop into the dining room to say hi to him. He just lies there until he hears the pop of the toaster and the scraping of butter on the toast. He then appears and sits in front of me whilst we share toast. I used to b such a grumpy pillock in the morning but he’s changed a major part of my life. Pure joy! I even now pick up Audrey on the way to the office so that we can have a catch up. Another routine. Pure joy!

So, there you go. Let’s raise a glass and toast routine. And let’s routine the toast.

Wishing you an awesome day, week, month, year, life. Keep it real because real is pretty damn good.

 

Jon

 

 

#TeamDuke It’s a family affair

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👁❤️2 …………………… keeping loving #TeamDuke

“The most important thing in the world is family and love.” – John Wooden

“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” – Michael J. Fox

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.” – Alex Haley

3 quotes for the price of 1. You’re very welcome.

Here we are skipping towards the summer, and here I am, reflecting – AGAIN – on life from my rather grounded view of the world.

I consider myself lucky to be able to observe from this grounded position, as I try and look at what is in front of me. I guess it’s what makes me the person that I am.

Today, I want to celebrate the family. Simple as that. Family again, I hear you ask? Yes, my dear friend, family.

I am lucky when I look out at my family. I was extremely lucky to have been raised by a wonderful mum and dad. They are the reason for me being who I am today. Beyond that, I am grateful to have 2 brothers, who are great friends, and then there are my wonderful sisters in law and nephews, aunt and cousin. And then, there are the great brothers and sisters in law and nephews and nieces on my ex wife’s side of this awesome family. And then, her aunts, uncles, cousins etc etc. And then, my incredible friends, who are as much family as friends.

But, of course, I then look at the family who provide the shield of love at home. Ben, Liv, Ringo, Zeekee, and now Audrey. The unconditional love that they bring can never be under estimated.

And, I guess, that’s where this blog kicks in.

As any discerning reader will know, Ben and Liv’s mum walked out of the family home nearly a year ago. Yes, she walked away from her family – including all of the above wonderful souls. I understand that she believes that she followed her path. No, she walked out and now suggests that her husband, son, and daughter did not support her on her quest. I’ll leave it there, as the purpose of the blog is not to throw mud. However, I think a little humanistic honesty is required. Clearly, I am happy to debate this point – off-line.

So, the last year has been a hell of a ride for #TeamDuke, but the above is where the story started.

As those who have followed the story of #TeamDuke through this year’s blogs, I have looked to celebrate. Yes, celebrate. You can never under estimate the lowest of the low point from where we started. Ben was away at Camp America when he heard what had happened. Liv was suffering from her own challenges. Me? This isn’t about me. This, as I’ve said is a celebration. Of course there has been bitterness. I’m human. I believe I’m loving, caring and loyal. So, the starting point was low.

But, in the last year, the power of the family has been immense. However, for the purpose of this blog, I am going to focus on the wonderment of who I am honoured to call my son and daughter. I want to raise a glass to them, and celebrate our life together.

Ben – for so many years, we have been close. We share a love of music and rugby league. But, it’s so much more than that. He described me as being more like a brother. How awesome is that! I always thought I would get to the point where I would be fading out pottering along behind him at the Leeds Festival. Well, how wrong could I be! This year, Ben will be 23 and HE’S paying for me to go with him. Words fail me.

Ben is such a steadying influence on his sister. Obviously they have spats. But they are so close and, at times of frustration about their absent mother, they support each other.

I don’t think Ben truly understands what a wonderful, loving, funny, charming young man he is. Sorry if I’m being a tad gushing but, it is a family affair and as #TeamDuke we want to inspire others to realise all hope has not gone. Hope is really as long as there is love.

Liv – well, where do I start. A more beautiful, understated soul I am yet to meet. Liv constantly talks about lacking confidence, but when the going gets tough, Liv rises above all others and defeats whatever is placed in front of her.

The last year has been tough for Liv, perhaps longer. It has been suggested Liv is dramatic. No, she’s honest!

Liv was there for me in the early days of ‘well, I didn’t see that coming’; days of feeling rejected.

Liv has some much love in her heart and has grown with such strength.

As a collective, I didn’t think #TeamDuke could be any closer. Through the sharing of love, support, laughter, and a few tears, we have and will continue to do so.

Ben and Liv know I’m there for them 24 / 7, but I know they are for me – although I’m not sure how Liv would react if I woke her at 4 am to tell her there was a moth in my room. Or how Ben would react if I woke him up at 4 am to tell him I’m home from a night out clubbing, and then lay with him for 15 minutes for a chat.

I love it!

And, let’s not forget Ringo (dog) and Zeekee (cat). The positive energy, the unconditional love, and the fun that they bring to our home. 18 months ago I would not have wanted another animal in the house – the latest hamster going to the great wheel in the sky some months before. However, I was so wrong. We are very lucky and I am grateful for the day I woke up.

It would be remiss not to say a few words about Audrey. For so long, friends with a common interest in music and the regular chat around mindfulness, basic spiritual stuff, books on positive thinking, and a bit of psychology. However, here we are, a few months in and going strong. Apart from the happiness that Audrey has ignited within me, she has also provided incredible support and companionship already that Ben and Liv.

Finally, I know I refer to how lucky I am to have such incredible friends. In this blog, I want to name check the phenomenal Ramsdens. I have been close to Steve and Susan for many years, but the support that they have given me / #TeamDuke has been beyond words. I could never find the words to express my gratitude to them. At those darker times, they would appear with a bottle of wine, a home made cake, a smile, and plenty of hugs. Thank you ❤️.

In essence, it is a family affair. Be that blood family or members who have joined along the way.

Sorry if the blog has been a bit indulgent. Also, sorry if I have embarrassed anyone through being overly emotional.

And sorry if I have offended my ex-wife.

Vivienne – this is not the intention. I know you won’t be reading this but I am just saying it as it is – let’s say in the 3rd dimension. In fact, I have so much to be grateful to you for, and for that I thank you. #TeamDuke are strong; we are alive and kicking. Ben and Liv have some of your positive characteristics from when you were there for them, as their mum. We do not judge. We observe. We do not carry self pity. We carry emotions and, thankfully, those emotions are intact. Ben and Liv love you from their hearts. I’ll leave it there. I hope as your 50th birthday passes, you can reach inside and remember what role a mum has to play in their children’s lives. You had one of the best role models I can think of.

God bless. It is a family affair.

 

Jon

 

 

Our house – #TeamDuke

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❤️2 ……………………. return home
“Where we love is home – home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

“Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do… but how much love we put in that action.” – Mother Teresa

I’m at it again, 2 quotes; 1 blog. However, as ever, there’s a message to share, so please bear with me as we open another window in the house of #TeamDuke.

Welcome to this View From The Ground blog. I hope you are enjoying the sharing of our experiences. To be honest, it’s almost like keep a journal – well, sort of. Please bear with me whilst I expand (just like my stomach) on that point.

Before I do, that you for the great response to the last blog – Talk Talk – It’s my life with #TeamDuke. I was overwhelmed by the number of people who peeked through the curtains into our world. I hope you will stay with us and continue to share, celebrate, hopefully be inspired by our ongoing development as the beautiful #TeamDuke.

Over the course of the year, I have tried to share the experiences of #TeamDuke. We are nothing remarkable, when compared to millions of others. However, we are proud of who we are and where we are in relation to our on-going well being. I’m not going to rehash previous blogs on which I have discussed matters relating to the starting point of our journey. If you want to have a look, the #TeamDuke blog is a good starting point.

However, over the course of this year’s blog, I have shared what I would describe as the building blocks which have helped us grow even stronger as a family of 3 – + Zeekee the cat, Ringo the dog, and, well, the new person in my life.

The building blocks – or as I have just mistyped, ‘building blogs’ (an accidental play on words, but actually quite good, so I’m going to use that) – have been based around love, gratitude for what we have (not what / who we’ve lost), the power of family and friends, open communication, helping others, and so on. But the key has been the building blogs (😀) have been shared in the hope that our experiences will help as many people as possible; maybe even inspire action. I certainly hope they put a smile on the reader’s face.

So, what’s the latest building blog (I really do like this term!) about? Well, you might have guessed it’s about the magic of being at home and the incredible place home is / should.

Our house is nothing outstanding. It’s a nice semi-detached. Our house, in the middle of our street. Sounds like Madness? Not really, but I don’t want to become an embarrassment by going on about the house. But, the magic happens because our house is our home.

I guess my point here is the emphasis being on it being a home, not just a house. A place where we gather to talk, to laugh, maybe to cry, to dance like no one is watching, to sit in perfect peace and to be just so.

Ben reminded me recently in those challenging times last year, there were days when I would come home from work and, within minutes, be exclaiming that I should have stopped at the office. Sadly, the home was suddenly a house. It was soulless. I’m sure those who know me will understand the irony – and, as I seem to say a lot, I do love a bit of irony. Now, this is not a dig; it’s a fact and something for which I accept my fair share of responsibility. I didn’t at the time but, upon reflection, I’ll hold my hand up.

However, the commitment we have made as #TeamDuke is to recreate what this wonderful building was for many years – a beautiful home, where we could welcome family, friends, and basically everyone who wanted to join us.

As I discussed in the previous blog, Talk Talk – It’s my life with #TeamDuke, communication is so very important. In equal measures, having a place where we can talk openly is critical – home!

I love that over the last few months we have returned to having a home where people can and will turn up unannounced – wonderful. Where friends will appear at the door, a bottle of wine in hand, ready to have fun. To many people, I’m sure this is no big deal. I understand that, but for us it has been so important because we had lost that.

So, what’s the message? Having now read nearly 800 words I’m sure this is a question that is whirling around your mind. Sorry. I suppose the message is hidden as another exclamation of gratitude. I’m grateful for my house in the middle of our street. It’s our home; it’s our roots; it’s our little piece of heaven; it’s our place to continue creating those bricks of growth and they, in turn, can become future building blogs.

I think I’ll close there. As I sit at home; in my place of quiet reflection and quiet gratitude for everyone and everything in my life. I am blessed and I hereby place on record my love and gratitude to all who have brush passed me through life. Those who have been and gone, thanks for the memories. This who have come and stayed – watch this space as the ride could get interesting. For now, the door of our home is open to you.
Jon xxx

Talk Talk – It’s My Life with #TeamDuke

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View From The Ground- ❤ 2 …………………….. communicate
“It’s my life. It’s now or never. I ain’t gonna live forever.I just want to live while I’m alive.” – the wise words of Jon Bon Jovi.

Now, those with any form of musical bent would have derived from the title of the blog I would have quoted from Mark Hollis’s classic song (there’s No Doubt those across the pond will know the song by another band). I also thought that, but then the anthemic (is that a word?) tones of Mr BJ (ooo er missus) rang out in my head.

Hello again. It’s been a while. Strangely, the words ‘if you have nothing to say, say nothing’ are whirling round my head. Ironic really (and I do love my irony. I hate ironing, but love irony) – when you consider the theme of the blog. But, I try to write meaningfully rather than just presenting a wall of words. That probably why the 2 – yes, 2 – books I’m storyboarding are taking time. I need to feel inspired whereas at the moment it is more a feeling of being perspired.

Anyway, watch this space – book 1 is based on the blogs and the on-going learning that #TeamDuke use to inspire our development. I just need to shape them into being current, meaningful and interesting enough to inspire people to want to read it.

The 2nd book, well, this is going to be an interesting project. I’ve always loved the author, Tom Sharpe. I love the dry, sometimes dark, humour that he uses. My challenge – I’m not a skilled or trained writer (yes, I know, I’m stating the obvious). So, the plan is to through some ideas down and then have a co – writer to help make sense of those words. As they say, watch this space. The process will be fun and very cathartic.

So, life for #TeamDuke continues to blossom. In the week we have introduced a dog into our world – or has he introduced us to his? Liv discovered a dog rescue centre and, to cut a long story short, we met and fell in love with Ringo – a 7 1/2 year old border collie. As daft as a brush (have you ever seen a daft brush? No, me neither, so what does ‘as daft as a brush’ mean?. I should talk to someone). So, that means there’s me, Ben, Liv, The Zeek, and now Ringo.

And that’s not all. After the horrors of last year, I am blessed to have someone in my life now. I’ll say no more for now other than I feel very lucky 😀.

Talk talk? Is it a band, is (was) it a mobile phone brand? No, it’s a way of life and survival.

Isn’t it strange how so many of us – particularly men – bottle up our troubles and woes because we fear that people will see it as a weakness if we say ‘I’m not feeling too great about life’? Isn’t it strange that there are people who, when you say ‘I’m not feeling too great’, tell you to get over it, it’s all in your mind, you’re been dramatic? Isn’t it strange that right now there is someone self harming because they feel that they don’t have a voice? Isn’t it strange that there is a high focus on mental health at the moment but, right now, governments dropping bombs that cost millions when that money could be better used in actually supporting mental health?

Strange, but true. Sorry, I got a bit heavy there but as I look at the news today, I truly wonder what the hell is going on. But, let’s move on.

I’d also regarded myself as a private person, a close book. But, last year’s events taught me the importance of talking. But, more importantly, it taught me the importance of getting others to taught and in turn, the importance of listening. Just listening. Not saying ‘I know, let me tell you about when that happened to me’, or even worse, say ‘don’t be so daft. You’re just being dramatic’.

To have someone to listen, or to be that person to listen is pure magic. When you know that you have someone who will, and wants to, listen, it’s almost like being given a key to open you up. Magic.

I’ve certainly found the importance of listening. When Ben asks if I want to go out for a walk, I know he has something he wants to talk about. And I am so grateful that he does want to talk. If Liv comes into see me at 3:00 am, I know she needs to talk. And I am truly grateful to be able to give her the ability to talk.

And I know Ben, Liv, and many others give me the chance to talk, and they listen without judgment. Magic.

It is magic and I guess the purpose of this blog is to put it out there – the importance of being able to talk, talk. The importance of not bottling it up because if that bottle pops, then it could be messy (not the footballer).

So, are you a closed book? Are you bottling it up because you don’t think someone will listen? Do you know someone who you think is bottling up their troubles? Do we know someone who locks themselves away, is sullen and withdrawn? Maybe, just maybe if you would listen listen, they might just talk talk.

And there’s the magic of #TeamDuke. We talk, we listen, we move forward and we grow. We grow in strength and in number. It’s my life, it’s our life, it’s life. Live; laugh; love.

Take care – in the words of Talk Talk, life’s what you make it. Let’s make it magnificent.

JonIMG_2059 

The importance of being honest

Posted on by View from the ground

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A view from the ground – ❤ 2 …………….. be #honest (with myself)

“Acceptance of one’s life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from a struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices” – Paul Tournier

Wow! A bit of a heavy quote to open the latest ground based view at how #TeamDuke are progressing in 2017. As I’ve said before, these blogs are intended to celebrate our learnings with the hope that it helps you along the way. Hopefully, we can have some fun at the same time.

As those who have checked out the #TeamDuke and ❤2 ………….. be loved blogs, I’ve kind of talked a bit about …………. love! I guess my, almost, obsession with the subject has been borne out of the realisation that receiving and giving love has been a significant part of the #TeamDuke world following the change to our lives mid- 2016.

Over the last few years, I have been on a personal journey (I don’t like using that word as it sounds like 20th century management speak, but I can’t think of anything better at the moment. Has anyone noticed that one of the latest expressions in ‘super’? Super great; super lovely; super shut up!!!!).

I realised a few years ago that I’d got wrapped up too much in negative thinking. Envy, frustration, anger and half empty thinking were the order of the day. Those who know me, know I started on this journey with my, then, wife and I contributed to her book, These Wings Can Fly (still available through me. If you want to buy a copy, let me know. I intend to donate all money raised to a local charity supporting homeless people). It’s a great read, and from that book a View From The Ground was born. Since then, we have gone in our separate directions.

However, the journey we started has helped me to fully understand that retaining a positive outlook is critical not only for ones own development and health, but it, from a personal perspective, it has given the drive, desire, passion, to reach out (more management speak) and help as many people as possible. As I’ve discussed in a previous blog, 1 5 10, if one person can help one person, and that person helps someone else as a result, the multiplier effect is incredible.

Clearly, the events of last year challenged the ability to remain positive, but by receiving love, the positivity actually grew and has allowed me / us to give love.

But, and here I am again with my big butt (sic), what happens if you wake up not feeling positive. You wake up feeling sad, angry, lonely, or some other not positive emotion.

Do you pretend it’s not happening? Do you hide from it? Do you think f**k it, I knew this positive thinking was a waste of time? Do you even think, what’s the point, it would be easier for everyone else if I wasn’t here?

Now, as with all of my blogs, these words are how I deal with things. I am not qualified, I am not claiming to be a professional advisor (I’d love to be!!!!) but I write with a passion and a desire to try and help others. Hell, if I thought I could just inspire 1 person to feel there is true hope, I would feel like a king (rather than a Duke).

So, what happens when those not so positive emotions sweep in? For me, it has been a case of learning to stare the emotion in the face – like looking in the mirror – and acknowledging how I feel. I know that sounds obvious but I was quite that grave. The old me may have slid into denial and to hide from the emotion.
However, the braver thing to do is to deal with that emotion. It’s not wrong to feel sad, angry, lonely or whatever. We are after all only human. However, that is not to say that there are some who manage to walk through life in a permanent state of positivity. I admire them. As I admire my cat whose only thoughts revolve around food, warmth, love, and her sh!t box being cleaned.

But, actually being honest with yourself is also liberating – I have found. Accepting that not every day is going to feel awesome. It is awesome, of course, because we have as much, if not more, to be grateful for as we did in the previous day. But, and again it’s a but (not bottom), we have allowed something to occupy our mind that has triggered a not so positive feeling / emotion.

The magic is recognising it, understanding the cause, and then working on a way to plan out what can you do to deal with it. The damage can be if you hide from negative emotion. Again, I have found, through personal mistakes (another word I don’t like), that by hiding from those not positive thoughts and emotions I built a multi-layer of negativity which after a while resulted in me popping like a champagne cork (no rude images please).

At worse, it’s happened twice – the most recent was just short of 2 months again. Not as dramatic as the first, as I recognised the signs and took preventative action. However, only after I went and sought a solution was I told by some of those close to me that they had been concerned.

So, I promise you, when I write as I have above, it is from personal experience – not because I feel I have a level of educational learning that I am seeking to impart.

And, there you have it. My different take on #honesty. I guess I could have called the blog ‘Honesty + Acceptance = Happiness. But I’m not that clever.

To finish – a quote from a man who is that clever – “Happiness can exist only in acceptance” – George Orwell.

Take care; be happy. But, if you wake up not feeling happy, I hope the above words give you hope. As I said, if these blogs help just one person – job done. My dream, to do the same for many thousands. I can only do that with your continued help and support. Please share these blogs and ask people to join the View From The Ground Facebook page, blog site, and Twitter.

Thank you.

 

Jon

#HappyNewYear aka Here Is The Love

Posted on by View from the ground

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“I wanted to say thanks… and share my gratitude for everything I’ve been blessed with. Family, friends, and continued support from everyone.” – Travis Barker

What? Another View From The Ground blog? So soon? Indeed. There’s times when words and thoughts come tumbling out, and today is just one of those times.

As we claw our way out of 2016, with a veritable yelp of relief, we have 2017 presented before us. A new year; a new start; a new chance. A new chance or just another chance to make the same mistakes?

Welcome to the closing thoughts from my place on the ground. A place I am proud to share with so many wonderful people.

2016? As I have alluded to in previous blogs, it’s been a tough one for so many people. The Syrian crisis; Yemen crisis; terrorism; Brexit in the U.K. And the millions of pounds wasted on that campaign; the USA presidential campaign and outcome and the millions of dollars wasted on that campaign; the continuing plight of refugees and asylum seekers; increased homelessness; increasing mental health issues, and so on.

On top of that, we all have our own personal challenges. Those challenges can make you feel like you are the only one suffering and that the world is against you. I’m sure we all feel like that during our darker moments. To be honest, I certainly have. But, and I’m back to my big but (note: not butt), the important thing I have found in those times of darkness there has always been someone or something to shine a bright light to sow me how to move forward. And for that I am and will always be grateful.

This year has brought me on a personal level many, many lessons. But the greatest lesson has been that love, real love, conquers all. And that love can be found from so many sources – how ever unexpected some of those sources may be.

In turn, having received so much love, I now feel compelled to share that love and to offer that helping hand in 2017 that I have had offered in abundance this year.

Adversity has brought reflection. Reflection on the past person I was – when looking in the mirror, who was I – and that then brings the question, who do I want to be?

I guess this is a useful exercise for us all. Looking in the mirror, what do we see and, more importantly, who do w want to see.

I have previously quoted Man In The Mirror by Michael Jackson. I make no apology for sub quoting some of the lyrics again : –

“I’m Gonna Make A Change, For Once In My Life. It’s Gonna Feel Real Good, Gonna Make A Difference. Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My Favourite Winter Coat. This Wind Is Blowin’ My Mind. I See The Kids In The Street, With Not Enough To Eat. Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See Their Needs.”

“I’m Starting With The Man In The Mirror. I’m Asking Him To Change His Ways. And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer. If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change”

“Got To Make That Change, Today!”

I hope that makes sense. It’s just a few of the lyrics from the song but they are so appropriate from a personal perspective. The love that I + Ben and Liv have received has been beyond anything I released was possible. So, when looking in that mirror, rather than seeing a ‘poor me’ I now know I am seeing a man so wealthy (I was going to say rich, but that’s not a word I like!), that my ‘love’ glass is truly overflowing.

On that basis, I see 2017 as the opportunity to make that change. How many others, on true reflection, can make that change and hold out our hands and offer others at the start of 2017 love and support.

If, when we look in the mirror, we feel that love is there, then we have learned hat responsibility to help others.

My personal view from the ground is that I know know there is so much more that I can offer, and I hope you dear reader feel the same. I would truly love to hear from you – how can you help? Do you need help? My email address is jonlduke@icloud.com. I’m happy to help.

So, to close the last blog of 2017, I will close with a quote.

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thank you for being with my throughout a surreal year. Thank you to all if those who have provided love and support.

Love Jon

Depression. My view from the ground

Posted on by View from the ground

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“You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn’t mean you’re defective – it just means you’re human.” – David Mitchell

Another day, and I feel blessed that I have woken up. I am healthy and, as I type this sentence, I am fortunate to be lying in a warm house with my cat resting against me. A lucky man indeed.

I try not to publish blogs for the sake of putting words online. I also try not to be personal- other than talking about things in the world that I observe and want to share.

But at the moment, depression is something that worries me. We are know someone who, right now, is gripped my depression. I certainly do and it is my duty to help them through it. I won’t go into the detail of who it involves but it’s personal.

I read a comment from someone who’s view is that depression doesn’t really exist. It’s all in the mind and can be overcome by how we think. All I can say is wow!

Having being diagnosed with depression 12 years ago, had I had that comment made to me then any chance of recovery would have been severely damaged. Dangerous words.

I fully understand and agree that we are all entitled to our opinions. However, given that depression is a medically diagnosed illness I really want to understand the deep impact it has on the person suffering.

It is worrying that many still either don’t believe depression existing or that there are others that see it as a weakness. Yet, of later more and more celebrities and sports stars are stepping forward and revealing their suffering.

There are a lot of definitions or explanations around depression, so I have selected one that helped my understanding – “An illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts and that affects the way a person eats, sleeps, feels about himself or herself, and thinks about things. Depression is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be wished away. People with depression cannot merely ‘pull themselves together’ and get better. Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years. Appropriate treatment, however, can help most people with depression. The signs and symptoms of depression include loss of interest in activities that were once interesting or enjoyable, including sex; loss of appetite, with weight loss, or overeating, with weight gain; loss of emotional expression (flat affect); a persistently sad, anxious, or empty mood; feelings of hopelessness, pessimism, guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness; social withdrawal; unusual fatigue, low energy level, a feeling of being slowed down; sleep disturbance and insomnia, early-morning awakening or oversleeping; trouble concentrating, remembering, or making decisions; unusual restlessness or irritability; persistent physical problems such as headaches, digestive disorders, or chronic pain that do not respond to treatment, and thoughts of death or suicide or suicide attempts.”

Sorry if that is a long explanation but I think it captures a lot around what is a growing issue.

As I said above, I was diagnosed with depression 12 years ago. Before going to my doctor, I couldn’t work out what was wrong with me. Looking at the above, I can remember constant sadness and anxiety. But also anger and frustration. But perhaps the latter feelings were because I couldn’t work out what was wrong. I felt weak because I wasn’t coping with what I perceived was how life should be. However, one day, enough was enough, I went to the doctor, broke down and was diagnosed accordingly.

After that, I went through several months of coming to terms I was ill – yes, ill. My nearest and dearest at the time helped me to understand that my condition was an illness – not a weakness. I was convinced by her that the prescribed medication was essential to help me on my road to recovery. It was good advice and my chemical imbalance was balanced and eventually I could stop taking the medication. But, in reality, the depression never goes away. Like any deep seated illness, it remains. I’m just aware that it is there.

However, having had the illness helps me to understand that it is just that – an illness. So, why do some believe it is just a state of mind, and can be overcome through positive thinking? There is no doubt positive thinking can help you during your recovery. But, when depression takes hold, my belief is that you need professional help and, if prescribed through that professional help, medication to support the process of combating the illness.

I appreciate that there are the conspiracy theorists who believe that medication being prescribed is just filling the bank accounts of the pharmaceutical industry chiefs. That the media focus on depression being at epidemic levels, which sends us running to the nearest chemist for our medication. Why? Because they are all interlinked. Hell, I nearly bought into this. But, then, when i turned off the noise from the conspiracy theorists, I remembered ………. I was diagnosed with depression. It was diagnosed by a medical expert. I took medication to help fix my illness, and I’m glad I listened to the advice!

So, what’s the message? If you suffer from depression, please don’t hide. Please don’t be ashamed. Please don’t listen to the people who dare to suggest it’s all in your head. Please take about it. Please understand that you are not on your own. Please see that there is help. Please know that you can overcome it. Please keep the faith. Please. Xxx

To close, I’ve just heard “Love My Life” by Robbie Williams. Here’s the lyrics. I hope you can see why I thought they were appropriate.

“Tell your soul to me
I will never let go completely
One day our hands will be
Strong enough to hold me

I might not be there for all your battles
But you’ll win them eventually
I’ll pray that I’m giving you all that matters
So one day you’ll say to me

I love my life
I am powerful
I am beautiful
I am free
I love my life
I am wonderful
I am magical
I am me
I love my life

I am not my mistakes
And God knows I’ve made a few
I started to question the angels
And the answer they gave was you

I can not promise there won’t be sadness
I wish I could take it from you
But you’ll find the courage to face the madness
And see it because it’s true

I love my life
I am powerful
I am beautiful
I am free
I love my life
I am wonderful
I am magical
I am me
I love my life

Find the
Others
With hearts
Like yours
Run far
Run free
I’m with you

I love my life
I am powerful
I am beautiful
I am free
I love my life
I am wonderful
I am magical
I am me
I love my life
I am powerful
I am beautiful
I am free
I love my life
I am wonderful
I am magical
I am me
I love my life

And finally
I’m where I wanna be”
Take care.

 

 

Jon

One step beyond aka please don’t call it madness

Posted on by View from the ground

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“It is not the the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.” ― Aisha Mirza.

Welcome to the latest view from the ground blog. If this is the first time you have visited my place here, seated under a beautiful tree, observing the world, thank you for joining me as I watch the madness ensue. But, I don’t want to call it madness as that’s quite a rude expression and it is important that we go one step beyond and find better descriptions for the way we view things and observe people.

As you read through, I apologise for any typos. I don’t have the luxury of a prof reader anymore so I wing it. Write and right from the heart. Don’t worry, when the book, ‘Round the bend or turning a corner?’, is published it will be proof read and probably rewritten. The original purpose of the book was to be a self help book for anyone who could feel a change happening in their lives but couldn’t quite understand what. The first publication will still follow that footprint. The second version may be more of a personal reflection. Watch this pace, but don’t call it madness.

I read that the World Mental Health Day is next week. I day to highlight a growing illness, but still an illness that many, too many, hide from due to a perceived idea that others see it as a weakness, not an illness .

In looking into things in advance of putting some words together for this blog I read a quote from David Levithan with interest: –

“I think the idea of a ‘mental health day’ is something completely invented by people who have no clue what it’s like to have bad mental health. The idea that your mind can be aired out in twenty-four hours is kind of like saying heart disease can be cured if you eat the right breakfast cereal. Mental health days only exist for people who have the luxury of saying ‘I don’t want to deal with things today’ and then can take the whole day off, while the rest of us are stuck fighting the fights we always fight, with no one really caring one way or another, unless we choose to bring a gun to school or ruin the morning announcements with a suicide.”

I was really interested in this view and can really see what David means. Those who suffer with mental illness are in that condition 24/7, it’s not a badge, it’s an illness. I know those who suffer from on mental health issues may see the World Mental Health Day as quite patronising. If that’s the case, it must be some difficult.

However, I personally see the World Mental Health Day as a really important chance for people to say that we care. But, and it’s another big but, we have to carry that care into the every other day of the year.

I see this year’s theme set by the World Federation for Mental Health is psychological first aid and the support people can provide to those in distress. This has to be taken up by every government in every country and action MUST be taken. Stop bitch fighting, stop dropping bombs, stop talking about building walls and start taking action to help cure this hidden but growing illness.

Here’s a revelation – 12 years ago I walked into se my doctor in tears and proclaimed I couldn’t cope any more. I wasn’t suicidal, that’s not what I’m saying. But, I was ill. I had a stress related illness and I needed help. It was the best thing I every did. I needed a bit of time away from my day to day routine and I was subscribed medication. At first, I didn’t want the medication but I was pursued to take it and over a period of time, things improved and here I am writing blogs.

I wouldn’t say I am completed cured. It’s always there and some things have happened that could trigger the condition again. But, the key things for me are 1) recognising it is an illness; 2) being honest to me and others; and 3) talking (and writing) about it. I am not ashamed, I am not embarrassed about it and if I can help others I will – 24/7.

For those who are told medication is bad and that you are falling into the hands of the pharmaceutical giants. Make your own decisions. Ask yourself, if it fixed the illness, why deprive yourself of the cure just because some say otherwise. I’ll stop at that to avoid insulting anyone, as we are all, of course, entitled to our own opinions.

So, I for one will be supporting the World Mental Health Day. But at the same time I will always be aware of David Levithan’s views. He has a strong point and we should all be supporting and highlighting mental health every day.

To conclude, and to refer back to the title of the blog – the next time you hear someone talk about mental health or if you see someone suffering, please don’t say ‘are they mad’. It’s an illness and to give it such a badge is cruel and hurtful. Please think about the words. Please go one step beyond and please don’t call it madness.

And to close. I’d like to end with a song. Ta Dah! But, this time it’s personal.

Following a significant change in my life recently, times have been / are quite tough. But, when I look a what is going on in the world – particularly in Haiti – what have I got to complain about? And, at some stage, I’ll finish the book, although it will have a different conclusion. Anyway, I just wanted to say, in the words of Green Day, I’m “still breathing”. Take care and enjoy every minute and don’t even think about what the next minute will bring.

“I’m like a child looking off in the horizon
I’m like an ambulance that’s turning on the sirens
Oh, I’m still alive
I’m like a soldier coming home for the first time
I dodged a bullet and I walked across a landmind
Oh, I’m still alive

Am I bleeding? Am I bleeding from the storm?
Just shine a line into the wreckage, so far away, away

Cause I’m still breathing
Cause I’m still breathing on my own
My head’s above the rain and roses
Making my way, my way
Cause I’m still breathing
Cause I’m still breathing on my own
My head’s above the rain and roses
Making my way, my way
My way to you

I’m like a junkie tying off for the last time
I’m like a loser that’s betting on his last dime
Oh, I’m still alive
I’m like a son that was raised without a father
I’m like a mother barely keeping it together
Oh, I’m still alive

Am I bleeding? Am I bleeding from the storm?
Just shine a line into the wreckage, so far away, away

Cause I’m still breathing
Cause I’m still breathing on my own
My head’s above the rain and roses
Making my way, my way
Cause I’m still breathing
Cause I’m still breathing on my own
My head’s above the rain and roses
Making my way, my way, my way…

As I walked out on the ledge
Are you scared to dance to live?
I been running all my life
Just to find a home that’s for the restless
And the truth that’s in the message
Making my way, away, away

Cause I’m still breathing
Cause I’m still breathing on my own
My head’s above the rain and roses
Making my way, my way
Cause I’m still breathing
Cause I’m still breathing on my own
My head’s above the rain and roses
Making my way, my way, my way…
Cause I’m still breathing
Cause I’m still breathing on my own
My head’s above the rain and roses
Making my way, my way
My way to you”
Jon