Today I choose happiness

Posted on by View from the ground

View from the ground

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“Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are. It solely relies on what you think.” – Buddha.

Welcome to a new day and to the latest View From The Ground blog.

Today’s thoughts have sprung to mind as a bit of a curve ball. I had set out some thoughts for a different blog, but then I read an article (yes, sorry, I’ve been reading again!) and it changed my thinking. Primarily, because of the way I’ve been thinking.

I don’t know about you but this last week has been a real struggle. Feelings of real despondency, nothing is good enough. Feelings of a lack of self worth have been abundant and days of worry, worry, worry. I’m sure I am not on my own, and I guess I am reaching out to others who may be feeling the same. In the main, to say that we know we can do something about it and that we need to move out of this state of mind. We have the power. We ARE the power to stop this and today is the day.

So, it was with interest that I came across this article this morning – at time when I was reflecting on things.

Bearing in mind I have focussed a lot of my recent blogs on living in the present and on the overall concept around mindfulness, why have I been fed up with yesterday (not literally, as yesterday was a day in the sun! My idea of bliss); worrying about tomorrow: so not really celebrating life today.

Bearing in mind over the last week, I have had some good times meeting friends for a catch up and there’s been some enjoyable family time, what’s the problem?

And then, when I was doing a ‘wide awake’ meditation, it came to me. Happiness!

Happiness? Yes, HAPPINESS!

Of course, I am a happy man. I am grateful and therefore I am happy. But, and here’s the big but (note, no picture included of a big butt for comedic effect). I have forgotten how to think happiness, to show happiness, and to share happiness. Am I on my own?

I look in the mirror and I see grumpy. I’m grateful, therefore I’m happy, but I look grumpy. How does that effect others? The answer is obvious. How many others are the same?

So, to see this article today has been a gift. I was hooked by the words ‘How to be happy’.

In reality, what I read and what I want to share is not rocket science. Nothing in life is. It’s about belief and application. It’s about not allowing that belief to be polluted by those whose interests are better served by you being in a state of lacking of self worth and self belief.

The key to happiness, latest research tells us, is knowing where to look. As it rightly reflects, from a young age it is programmed into us to aim high and to seek happiness in a better job, new achievement and further success. Think about it. How this programming occurs. What we read, what we see on TV, what we are told by ‘greater minds’.

But, these goals are more likely to make us miserable. Being driven may hold us back, says Dr Raj Raghunathan at the University of Texas.

The doctor’s research shows that supposedly successful and “intelligent” people don’t make life choices that lead to happiness. He saw that after a reunion with his PhD class, the more visible the achievements – be that success at work promotions, pay rises, fancy holidays and bigger homes – the more unfulfilled and distracted the group seemed overall.

Through his research, Dr Raj Raghunathan identified five key areas that can have a huge effect on our wellbeing – all of which are within our control. And, as I’ve said above, that’s the thing. We can control that state of mind.

So, let’s look at these areas and see how we can learn.

Don’t pursue happiness – the advice is to prioritise rather than chase happiness. An interesting balance here because a lot of well meaning advice is that we must pursue happiness, almost at all cost. But there is a big difference. Many of us believe, in theory, that to chase happiness – whatever it actually is – is important and place it above being intelligent and making money, and yet in reality we sacrifice happiness for other things.

We should therefore take steps to increase the chances of FEELING happy rather than obsessing about whether or not you feel happy. We should take steps to prioritise by recognising what makes us happy – going to the pub with friends, countryside walks, holidays, time with the family etc, and then build around those things.

Make a list, prioritise that list, and take action.

I hope that makes sense.

Take responsibility for your happiness – don’t blame others for your unhappiness. Tell yourself it’s in your own hands, whatever the outcome – because it is.

I definitely find this so relevant because, when I’m unhappy, I have a tendency to blame others or circumstances created by others. But, don’t most of us do that?

But, we do have the power and ability to control our own thoughts and feelings, regardless of what is happening to us externally. Feeling in control internally is highly liberating and will make you feel happier.

As is recommended in the article, an easier way to take some control is to look at our lifestyle. Now,here’s where I add my own spin on things as I am the last one to preach about what to eat and drink. As those that know me would confirm, I love a glass of wine and am partial to a regular Indian take away.

However, I also love a long walk, I enjoy fruit and veg and, of late, have sought to increase my intake. Little changes like that can make a difference..

Don’t compare – in the words of the late, great Prince ‘nothing compares to you’ so why place any importance whatsoever to feeling superior to others, you’ll end up being frustrated a lot of the time.

Even if you think you’re doing better than your peers, sooner or later someone will overtake you. And, why is it important? Why can we not just be happy being who we are, what we are, and how we are?

For some comparisons can be tempting – they are used as a way to try to motivate ourselves.

We can strive to be the best at what we do – but surely that should be to DO the best at what we do? If we do the best and that in turn is THE best – in the world, in the Company, in the team – great! But, as long as we do our best at anything that we do, surely that should give us the happiness that we deserve. The less you compare, the happier you will be.

Follow the flow – for some of us the starting point is to get on the flow. But once we are in the flow, we need to follow it and just go with it. Most of us have experienced it, maybe not even realising it, where we experience something where we get lost in what we are doing and time just doesn’t matter. For me, that is when I am writing. Once I get started, I could write for what feels like 30 minutes but 3 hours later I wonder where has that time gone.

Personally, apart from time with family and friends, I am at my truest state of happiness when I am writing. Now, I accept, I am not a trained writer. I have got a qualification in relation to writing. But, do you know what? I don’t care! I love writing. I haven’t got a qualification in the consumption of Indian food but that doesn’t stop me eating it.

So, here’s the challenge for you. Think about what you truly love; what makes you come alive; where you lose track of time. Hopefully, there’s a few things. But make a list, prioritise and get in the flow. Imagine how magnificent you will feel.

Trust strangers – now, this is a really interesting one and it’s the one where I raised an eyebrow of suspicion. But, I read on so please bear with me because the theory present is quite simple in hat the more we perceive we can trust people we don’t know, the happier we’ll be.

Dr Raj Raghunathan has written that the happiest countries and communities are those that feel they can trust the citizens around them. Simply put, if you can’t trust your taxi driver to give you the right change, or the bank clerk to count out the right money, you’ll lose sleep and you won’t be happy. It’s one thing to trust friends and family, but having faith in strangers is an indication of how much you’ll trust life in general.

So, here’s another challenge – and this is definitely one for me as well – try being more open; talk to one stranger each day – in a shop, at work. Focus on the positive aspect of talking to people you don’t know; not the fear that you can’t trust them. Try it, and tell me how you get on. Email address: jonlduke@icloud.com.

It’s quite simple. But, from a personal perspective, this will be one day at a time. I definitely choose happiness and I am so grateful hat I have identified what is causing my state of mind. I be happy is one this, but to FEEL happy is another.

It’s up to me, no one else. In the words of Michael Jackson, “I’m gonna make a change, for once in my life. It’s gonna feel real good. Gonna make a difference. Gonna make it right.” – Man In The Mirror.

Thank you for letting me share this ‘awakening’ with you. If it’s helped you in any way, I feel blessed to have achieved that.

Take care. Happiness is beautiful. Until the next time.
Jon

A view from the ground look at mindfulness

Posted on by View from the ground

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“Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.” ― Mother Teresa.

At this moment, as I sit revving up for another great day ahead, I’m happy. Why? I woke up; it’s the weekend; we had a great time with friends last night; and I’m drinking a smoothie consisting of kale, 6 different fruits, almonds and goji berries – rather than a bacon and black pudding sandwich. Clearly, I chose the correct option for breakfast. To be fair, the decision was easy. I love smoothies and we don’t have any bacon or black pudding. But I still feel happy.

Welcome to a new blog. Welcome to a new day. Welcome to the moment.

Anyone who has read the last blog – Live for the moment ……….. but please throw my mouse – will already know that I working hard on living in the moment; the present. I’ve spent too much time worrying, worrying, worrying.

Worrying about yesterday. What could I have done better?

Worrying about tomorrow. What’s going to happen? Is it going to be good? What’s going to go wrong?

Worrying about what people think of me, of my blogs, of my personal development. Why have some people suddenly become invisible? Is it because I / we openly express our views, which may not be the same as others?

But, I’ve realised this has to stop. I’m understanding the importance of enjoying ‘the now’. And since I’ve start to enjoy the now, the yesterday and the tomorrow have started to fade. Of course, I still reflect on what has gone before but nothing like as much. I know I am at the early stages of my path towards purely focussing on living in the present but I’m enjoying it so far.

So – mindfulness. A subject that has been at the core of my thinking for a long time now. It’s a word that is becoming more common in every day language.

Mindfulness – “the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.”

Or, putting it another way, mindfulness – “a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.” Now we’re talking.

I read any article that the wonderful Jean Garrod shared on Facebook recently, called ‘A Mindful Day At Work, by Dr. Takesha Cox.

Dr. Cox is a school social worker at a high school in Washington DC. Many of the students at the school deal with neighbourhood violence, grief and loss, poverty, below average reading and math skills, abuse and neglect from their families, abandonment, teen pregnancy and parenting, and the lack of resources that they need to be successful socially, emotionally, and academically.

Dr. Cox is a mindfulness practitioner and she has delivered a lesson called “Heartfulness” to great effect.

There was another article recently about some Canadian police meditating.

Just thinking about all of this gave me real hope. Mindfulness, heartfulness, meditation – basically all practices that work towards a “a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations”.

A lot of us want to achieve this basic awareness on the present moment, but we spend too much time working about yesterday and / or fretting about what might happen tomorrow. As I write this I am facing a battle to stop thinking about what tomorrow might bright. However, the great thing with writing is that it helps me to concentrate on the exact thing I am talking about – living in the now.

Here’s a broad statement. There’s too much anger in the world. In fact, there’s just too much anger – full stop. We spend too much time angry. When I say ‘we’, I am just speaking broadly. That anger comes out of worrying about yesterday and how that might develop into tomorrow. But, what about today? Today? If we could just grasp the concept of dealing with today – with a smile, a laugh, a dance, and a lot of gratitude, sure when tomorrow becomes today we can do the same all over again?

Am I simplifying things? I hope not. I’m just seeking a state of mind for me, and everyone else who wants to join me, where we just enjoy the now. And by practicing mindfulness, we can take a massive step towards that state of mind.

Of course, we could move on to talking about meditation. I’ve covered that in earlier blogs and do intend to re-explore the joy of meditation because I still love just zoning out and just disappearing into my peaceful place. That place when even living in the now feels a bit too much. I’ll leave it there for now, but am happy to discuss my views on meditation with anyone and everyone.

And that’s where I’ll close. A quick quote – “Life is a dance. Mindfulness is witnessing that dance.”
― Amit Ray,

Enjoy the dance.

Jon

Ps – sorry for the typos. I need a proof reader!

 

 

Live for the moment ………. but please throw my mouse

Posted on by View from the ground

View from the ground

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“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” ― Groucho Marx.

Wonderful words, which I wish I’d read yesterday. There’s irony because, as Groucho says, yesterday is dead. But, when yesterday was today, it didn’t start very happy.

I’m sure there are many people who can resonate – waking up, getting up, thinking through what the day holds (after expressing genuine gratitude for waking up). And then for no reason at all, your brain switches into a deep thinking mode. When you start to reflect on what is going on in life – be that what’s on the news; be that what’s happening in your working life; be that what your are going to eat today (whilst being grateful that you have food); be that everything else that is in your head.

So, welcome to another view from the ground. Fear not, as always, this blog has a happy ending.

Thank you for visiting www.viewfromtheground.co.uk, and thank you for taking the time to read my blog. As I always say, these words are just my observations on and interpretation of life and are not intended to direct anyone’s thinking. I do hope, however, that by sharing my observations and interpretation it can provide reassurance to others who may have the same thoughts but have wondered if they are on their own and basically losing the plot. The good news is, not you’re not and my dream is that, over time, we can all connect and walk our path forward together.

Anyway, the morning that inspired this blog was a little more than just thinking about the day ahead. As I sat their, at 6:30 am, my mind was full of everything that was going on in my life. About what had happened that week; what was about to happen in the day; what was probably going to happen the next day; about Ben going to the USA in June for 2 1/2 months; about Liv going to university in September. And that all lead me to reminisce about the joy of our wonderful family holidays, and how I wished we could go back in time. And then I got tearful. Why can’t life just go back to how it was? Worry, worry, worry.

As I left my room of contemplation (I’ll leave it to the imagination which room I’m referring to 😀) I was greeted by our cat, Zeekee. Clearly, she had had a similar moment of thinking because she dropped her toy mouse at my feet and waited expectantly. Thinking? Actually, no.

Before I continue – a bit of background about Zeekee.

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She’s been with us for just short of 3 months now and she’s 8 months old. It could be said Zeekee has a personality crisis. She talks to us – although a lot of it is directed at me when I tell her off, as she basically tells me off and always wants the last word. Mmmmm, a female wanting the last word? Well, it’s not lost on me anyway.

Zeekee also thinks she’s a dog. As I mentioned above, she had dropped her sponge mouse at my feet. The idea being that I would pick it up and throw it, for Zeekee to chase, pick up and bring it back to me, and the whole process to be repeated – usually 20+ times. I kid you not! Madness and wonderful in equal measures. The toy mouse is just a pink sponge ‘thing’ but she loves it.

My point though is, Zeekee is living in that exact moment. To her, it’s play time. Yes, she might have a look to see if there’s any food out. But she’s not thinking about the previous day, when there’s a good chance that the person she wants to play with had told her off – again. She’s not been laying on her blanket, reading the news on an iPad. She’s not reminiscing about her life before she joined us (thankfully, because it wasn’t good). She’s not thinking about what will be happening beyond that specific moment – when she would be very grateful if I could possibly play. In essence, she’s living in the exact moment.

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It was a real wake up call. Whilst I worry, worry, worry, Zeekee wants to play, play, play. Now, the theme of my last blog – Let’s make a song and dance about it aka time to dance – (I like long blog titles!) talked about the positive effects of song and dance. As I said in the blog TIME TO DANCE!

Let’s change that slightly for this blog – TIME TO PLAY! Time to live in the moment. Time to sit down, throw the mouse, throw the mouse, throw the mouse. Enjoy Zeekee’s moment.

Reality check – we can’t turn back the clock. And, if we could repeat those ‘good old times’, would they be as good second time around? We should feel lucky (blessed!) to have those experiences in our memory to smile about. Why worry about the day ahead? We certainly need to plan, but surely we should plan for a good day? What about tomorrow? Well, when we wake up tomorrow – that’s a blessing because it means we’ve been given the opportunity to make the most of the gift of life.

I accept this all sound could in principle. But, actually, in practice it can be even better because we can effect it. We can decide it’s TIME TO PLAY. We can decide to smile, we can decide to enjoy the moment and not worry.

At the moment, I’m sharing my drive to work with someone who lives next door. I enjoy her company as we have a variety of conversations. But last week, she said something I hadn’t heard before – in that depression is linked with worrying about the past, whereas as anxiety is worrying about the future.

Interesting! Just think how just living in the moment could help us all. Easier said than done? That’s up to us. Again, I look at Zeekee as I type and she’s just picked up her mouse because it’s TIME TO PLAY. Me? Well, I’ve got the news on in the background whilst working hard on not thinking about tomorrow. I’m trying to live in the moment, which I guess I am because I’m still typing – rather than preparing the family evening dinner.

I hope you will join me in my personal steps forward towards enjoying the moment; celebrating the past but not longing for its return; and waiting until tomorrow is today.

Okay, I will draw to a close. In doing so, I am going to sit back – with the glass of red wine that Viv has just given me (thank you) – and celebrate today. The walk, the family, the fun, the life!

Thank you for joining me. As I always say, I would love people to share their stories with me to publish on the website.

Take care, and don’t forget to throw the mouse.
Jon

Love – remove the label

Posted on by View from the ground

i just wanted to share this link, because it is such a powerful message.

Please take 5 minutes to have a watch and share. In a time when the USA must decision on their next ‘leader’, the U.K. must decide on whether to be in or out of Europe, and countries around the world are torn apart by being told what to think, this message is so important.