The ramblings of a recovering misery – chapter 8 – Life’s just a smorgasbord

Smorgasbord – “A number of different things that are combined together as a whole.”

Or – “a type of Scandinavian meal, originating in Sweden, served buffet-style with multiple hot and cold dishes of various foods on a table.”

Things that make you go mmmmmmmm? Well, any blog that starts with some definitions of a smorgasbord should make you wonder what’s to follow. Will it be hot or cold? Will it be sweet or savoury? What will it be? Well, pop on the blindfold and take a leap of faith into the latest, unsuspecting, view from the ground.

And in view today is definitely a smorgasbord of the past, the present and a vision of the future.

It’s great to be alive. But, I know, for some, life is a real challenge. There’s a desire to feel that it’s a wonderful life but a great darkness descents that doesn’t allow the light of happiness to shine.

2020 really has to be the year when those who can light the torch to show the way for those who are absorbed in darkness do just that. We have a responsibility to reach out and hold the hands of those in need. It’s a tough life. At times, it’s a bloody tough life. But we should all stand alongside each other and be strong.

Easier said than done? Of course but, if one by one we believe that we can, we will succeed. Just start by thinking of a family member or friend who hasn’t been in touch. Give them a call. Check in with them. Start the process. Please.

Divorce. Now there’s an interesting subject. Don’t worry, this isn’t where I unleash the unleashable. That’s not for this communication channel, as I want this to be a happy place. But, is divorce the end of something, or permission to start something new? I choose the latter. Clearly, divorce means something wasn’t right in the past or someone wasn’t right. However, that being the case, divorce means the chance to start afresh – provided someone hadn’t already started that process whilst still married.

So, with a hop, a skip, and a jump, since separation I have been lucky enough to start my new relationship with The Wee One and the new life started then. And with the blessing of divorce comes the continuation of that new life.

That’s it. Over. Happy. And as 2019 comes to a close, the final reference in the blogs to that past life does so as well. Very appropriate that as the decade closes in which a smorgasbord of emotions have been experienced, I can close the book on the person who gifted me such a wonderful son and daughter – both blessings I am lucky to have in my life – and yet cause so much pain, anger and so many other emotions. Enough said.

And so, here we are in the now; the present. I sit here, hitting the keyboard to the sound of water dripping through my dining room ceiling.

Some would say it’s a message. To be fair, I have to agree. Things that happen in life give us messages that we need to see; to read. We shouldn’t ignore them. These messages are there for us all. We should be open to them.

So, I accept the message of water dripping through the dining room ceiling. Yes my friends. Let’s all stand and worship the message. Repeat after me – “Jon. You have a leaking pipe which should have been fixed. Jon, you need to call a plumber urgently to get it sorted”.

I feel better for accepting the message. But, sorry, I lost myself for a moment there. I almost went back to my old self.

But living in the present is so important. Looking around and being grateful for what we have – apart from a leaking ceiling. But, then, gratitude extends to that leaking ceiling being in the house which provides me with shelter. And the present does present (isn’t the English language weird. A word spelt the same but different meanings) itself in a smorgasbord of situations. And it’s a platter that is wonderful to enjoy every-time and anytime.

You could ask, is the present pre-sent? In other words, what has been planned in the past effects the course of what is happening in the here and now. Of course there are many occasions when that is the case. The list would be endless – a bit like my blogs.

But, let’s say, looking at your significant other and in that moment grabbing a hug and a kiss is more a case of celebrating the present. Celebrating how lucky and loved you feel in the moment. Releasing the feeling of love.

I know as I trip through the door out of 2019 into 2020 I will be looking at how I can ensure I celebrate the gift that the present is, and releasing the burden that dwelling on the past has been. Move on, move in, and move forward.

And then there’s the future. As a song goes, the future is ours. The future is certainly shaped by us. Accept the past for what it was. The wonderful memories. Many captured in pictures. Many captured in our hearts. Many the cause for countless conversations as we recall the fun, the love, the loving fun, the funny love, the moments that truly mattered.

With those memories that aren’t so good, accept that they happened. Many were out of your control. Many happened before you even knew they had happened. But, I for one, need to cease the opportunity that 2020 brings to stop dwelling on them. That said, as I’ve said before, I’m not a member of the forgive and forget club. Quite the opposite. So, whilst I will stop dwelling I won’t forget. Just saying.

The future is also shaped by how we embrace our present. I’d like to think this is something to focus on in 2020. The decade of reset, reboot, relaunch, and reenergise. What’s gone has gone, be it the good, the bad or the downright ex. The present gives us new opportunities, and the chance to remember what we also have around us and to truly love it. The future is ours. Let’s make it the best that we possibly can.

So, I close 2019 with heartfelt gratitude to each and every person in my life right here right now. Thank you for standing by me, particularly when the recovery from being a misery takes a dip. #TeamDurky and all that sail with us, my love is beyond words.

Take care. Here comes 2020 (or, on the basis I’ll keep reposting this, welcome to 2020).


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