An open letter from Liv

Posted on by View from the ground

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As many will know from the blogs, the last 14 months have been difficult for #TeamDuke. But, with the love and support of each other, family and friends we have walked through the storm and are stronger than ever.

However, it can never be under estimated the effects of a parent walking away from their children – regardless of their ages – can have.

My love and admiration for Ben and Liv grows stronger every day.

I now want to publish the below letter, from Liv to her mum. The purpose for it being published in such an open way is the hope that Ben and Liv’s mum will understand, truly understand on a human level. Not on the level that she has been morphed into.

To their mum – if you are reading this, please read it as Ben and Liv’s mum. The person who raised them so wonderfully for so many years before ……….. Well, that’s where I stop.

And, anyone who believes this is mean spirited / inappropriate to post publically, you don’t need to read it. In fact, I would ask that you don’t.

These are Liv’s words and are written from the heart and from a place of love: –

“I have noticed my mum having posted an open letter on Facebook over Facebook, of course it warranted some level of response seeing as I am her daughter and I know people worry about mine and my elder brother’s reaction to seeing stuff like this on Facebook. To be blunt, it does sting, the only true communication that we have with our mother is through Messenger, and recently at least on my end, it’s been filled with what looks like both of us talking about two completely different things.

Me and Ben however are fine. I am about to go to university, while my brother is about to go into a new job in Media. We are keeping moving forward, trying to shoulder through the things that at times sting. We have an amazing Father, and his amazing partner, Audrey, who keep pushing us forward if we happen to get caught in the moment. I know I’m known as the more sickly of the two, Ben is more of a health freak than me and I’m someone who has ups and downs, but at the moment my life is mostly ups, thanks to the amazing support of both my family, and some of the greatest friends that I have ever had the pleasure of establishing. Ben’s social life is as active as ever, and he is still addicted to festivals and Rugby.

I’m sorry if I seem rude, disrespectful and all that, but in the recent months we have learned to just try and avoid the drama around my mum. I know what has happened here, I wish I was my age now (as in when this all started) I could’ve stopped it but back then I was too young, as was Ben. We didn’t know what was happening, and I never noticed that my mum was crumbling after the deaths of my beloved grandparents. I know my mum will read this, I know you will likely shake your head over it. But, me and you are too similar for me to not notice how you are ticking, as I am very much the same. We have the same vulnerabilities, and our thought process is likely very similar. Without the careful support of some very patient friends, I used to victimise myself, I still do at times, and it’s something I wish to work myself out of. It’s a slow process, but it will get there. You say how we are mirrors, it made me think about what happened between us. I think you saw me, and I saw you. We took very different paths in dealing with our issues, and I am still scared for you. I am still scared that eventually I am going to lose you completely in one way or another, and this thought haunts both me and Ben. I’ve offered my hand out, it’s still there. After everything, it is still there. I don’t know if you deserve that, after everything you have done to not only me, but my Dad, my brother, my aunts and my uncles, my grandparents and your friends.

While I am writing this, I don’t know if it will get through to you. I’ve written things so similar to this, and it’s like a constant cycle of me never getting a proper response from you. Just something cryptic, something about you being chosen or even that I am chosen. Mum, we are both humans. The same as everyone else, we are not better, we are not worse, we are simply humans. We aren’t some chosen to survive the eventual storm, if there was truly a divine, they wouldn’t do that. Pick a group of random people, and make them abandon their family. You’re just using this as an excuse to run away, run away from the fact that you have majorly messed up this time. What sort of divine creature would make a woman not only have an affair on a loving husband, but abandon their entire family in the process. None. So please, stop running from this, it doesn’t do any good, it just makes everything worse, and I know I am your daughter and a generation apart from you, but this is something that you need to trust me on.

You need to work with us on this, your friends need to work with us and support you. These thoughts, these visions, don’t get me wrong, I don’t fully disbelieve in a spiritual presence but I know something isn’t right about it. The divine doesn’t happen to appear after death and trauma in the family, but I know something else does, and I know how corruptive it can become. And in the end how dangerous. You coming to terms with what has happened will bring relief to many people who I know sit around and fret about you, even when you say that you’re okay, it is simply like it is written on thin paper. We don’t know if it is true or not, we don’t know if it is actually you writing that to us.

So I ask that you please stop victimising yourself in this, Mum. And that you please stop running away on this path of self discovery or whatever the hell you’re doing now. I’m trying to still believe that somewhere in there is the woman that raised me, that somewhere in there is the person that I picked a large chunk of my personality from, and that you just take both mine and my brothers hands. We are here to try and pull this drama to end. I will do anything, I will pay for your ticket, me and Ben and the family will do everything we can. I know you ignore everyone, everything that says this. But you need to come home.

Love from your daughter, Liv”

To their mum – once you have read it, read it again, on your own. Look at the pictures at the start of this blog, and try to cut through to that human and humane person that you were for so many years. This is not about me and you. In truth, it never has been. This is about you, Ben and Liv. About you, Phil and Bruce. About you and the rest of the family. And, this is about you and the countless friends who wanted / want to be there for you. As Liv said, people are waiting to support you. They are even happy to embrace you being a vegan 😀. Jon

The answer is – a) Poor me; b) Pour me; or c) Paw me aka Cleaning out my closet (#Team Duke – the series)

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“When you are here and now, sitting totally, not jumping ahead, the miracle has happened. To be in the moment is the miracle.” – Osho

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analysing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”
― Tupac Shakur

Oh no! A blog about ‘that’ subject again. Noooooooooo! Fear not, whilst I might reflect (but, so does a mirror. There’s a thought – mirror mirror on the wall, what do you see? Well, now that’s a good question. However, the more relevant question is, what do you see? Is it you or is it a clone? Are you a member of the clone roses brigade?), this is all about cleaning out my closet. Mmmm ‘n’ mmmmmmm.

Hello and welcome to my field of dreams, where I perch to observe and smile.

Following some recent blogs, I have been made aware that they may have been misinterpreted, as they appear to have caused the reader to go to Facebook to express their views – not directly, so maybe I’m being over sensitive. I do have a tendency to be a tad sensitive at times. With reason? You decide.

Anyway, the joys of social media also allow me to restate the purpose of the blogs. So, for the record, they are: –
* written from the heart and with love;
* a reflection of the journey that we have been on for the last 14 months and more;
* honest;
* an open expression of love for family and friends; and
* not written for the consumption of others who want to use the intent of the blogs to massage their guilt / ego / ‘beliefs’.

If the #TeamDuke blogs can inspire others in this world filled with ego, bring it on.

So, any deluded, shapeshifting, ‘we’re on a soul journey’ people out there, I suggest you don’t read on. I’m sure you’ll find 144,000 reasons to think this blog is about you. Don’t forget, save the cheerleader, save the world 😜. Although, as the worldly wise Tina Turner once observed from her view from the stage, ‘we don’t need another hero’. Yatta!

Is this playing out the poor me syndrome? The regular reader will know that I’ve mentioned previously ‘poor me’. It’s a concept from the Celestine Prophecy (excellent book) and it’s something I have had pointed at me in the past. You know what, I agree! I realise I could / can feel blood sorry for myself. Hello, I’m a man, that’s what we do best!! (Exclamation mark frenzy creeping in!!!!!!!!). However, the definition below, lifted from t’internet, is a different kind of person, I believe. A special kind of person. I’ll just leave the words, as below, hanging there as we pause for thought.

‘Poor me’s make us feel guilty and responsible for them. They complain and whinge about problems, offering no solutions. They make you feel guilty when you’re in their presence, even though you know there is no reason to feel that way. Everything they say and do puts you in a place where you have to defend against the idea that you’re not doing enough for them.’

No, please be assured, I’m not play the ‘poor me’ now. I’m celebrating the purpose of the blogs and am grateful for the support that the blogs, and #TeamDuke, continue to receive. Thank you, and similarly thank you from my heart for the beautiful feedback and comments received.

So, another blog in the world of #TeamDuke. In the words of M People, we continue to be moving on up through what has been a real year of progress. Our unity just goes from strength to strength, as we work together as a ……….. team. All for one and one for all! As the regular reader will know (note, I keep referring to ‘reader’ not ‘readers’, as I don’t want to make assumptions), our ‘team’ is a collective of all who want to join us, but the core unit expanded this year with the inclusion of the truly wonderful Audrey. Never has a person completely shown unconditional love – in my eyes – than Audrey. And, the magic is, she doesn’t realise it. So many could learn from her.

But one of my own personal learnings through the past few months, as previously written – #TeamDuke raise a glass and toast routine, is to break routine.

I’m a regular user of Facebook and, as had been pointed out, I did like to share posts about my love of red wine. And rose. And beer. And …… I think you get the picture. I do love a drink but, after my rude awakening last year, I started to thing – do I love a drink or does a drink love me? You know the pattern, a hard day at work, you get home and before you know it you’ve poured a glass of wine. It was a routine.

I’d have a glass of wine, maybe a glass and a half. It just happened. I won’t explore how having a glass and a half of shared bottle of wine always resulted in an empty bottle.

Anyway, time to change the routine. I’m certainly not preaching the virtues of not having a glass of wine. But, and I know to most this will sound obvious, but a nice cuppa tea hits the spot perfectly.

I guess I needed an awakening to realise I had to clean out the wine drinking closet and become me. Glass of wine? Not tonight, I’m have a cuppa. Never night, glass of wine? Don’t mind if I do. As Chicago sang, it’s been a hard habit to break but my new, vibrant, energised, happy, fun, positive (YES, WE GET THE PICTURE!!!! ENOUGH!!) life has opened my eyes. To paraphrase another song, you don’t have to have a drink to have a good time – oh no.

Having said all of the above, I’ve just spend 3 days travelling in and out of the Leeds Festival with Ben (who paid for me 😅) and have been polishing off a couple of drinks before midday. Hypocritical? Nah. Live for the moment, that’s all I’m getting at. It’s been a case of stopping pour me before it became poor me.

Again, as has been written, another welcome addition to #TeamDuke has been our beautiful dog, Ringo. Such a bundle of fun, energy, positivity, and love. When it feels like the weight of the world is falling onto your shoulders, the love of a dog is quite overwhelming (although the sound of him right now pacing and panting because he wants a walk is overwhelming for different reasons). He’s now taken to throw a front leg over me when I’m in bed in the morning to remind me to live in the moment and …….. feel the love. It’s his paw me moment. A damned sight better than poor me or pour me.

Have you chosen your answer to the question in the title?

As so, to close. Cleaning out my closet? As you can tell from this any recent blogs, there has been a lot of cleansing going on for #TeamDuke. A lot of cleaning. The local charity shop will soon benefit from some clothing. There’s still a few copies of the book – These Wings Can Fly. I wrote a blog last year about the 6 degrees of separation. Well I wonder if I, 6 people away from meeting the person who can turn that work of fiction, fabrication, and folly (3 F’s) into a film. I can already see the queue of actors wanting to join in – particularly the actor who plays Captain Obvious in the http://www.hotels.com advertisements in the UK. He would be perfect for the ‘male’ (note, not man) lead. Look the actor up.

I’m afraid some of the books have had to go. 50 Shades Of Purple was a bit of an odd one. I’m not sure I get the channeling of physical energy in the name of been twin souls will appeal to the right minded. Raven Bonkers Or Just Cuckoo is a sad read. Joking apart, I am not making light of mental health issues. As some who has flown in and out of depression for many years, and supported and being their for my daughter who has struggled on a much deeper basis, I know the seriousness of the illness. However, the key is recognising you are ill in the first place. But, with regards to the book title referred to – it helps to know the difference between a raven and a crow.

At that, I will close. As always, I’ve enjoyed writing this blog. I’ll leave you with a final concept I am working on – about how to change myself without changing me. I actually think I’m getting there. Think about it. Some people think they need a whole makeover when it’s just a bit of fine tuning.

I hope you have enjoyed reading these words. If you have, please spread the word. Together is far greater than apart.

 

Jon

A game of clones

Posted on by View from the ground

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‘I’m not ashamed to be me. More than anyone else I know, I love my life and accept myself. What’s wrong with being unique? I am proud of everything that I am and will become.’ – Johnny Weir

‘Family is a unique gift that needs to be appreciated and treasured, even when they’re driving you crazy. As much as they make you mad, interrupt you, annoy you, curse at you, try to control you, these are the people who know you the best and who love you.’ – Jenna Morasca

‘Finding and realising who the unique you is, by yourself, without being distracted by the voices of those filled with self interest and self doubt, is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Through that discovery, your eyes and mind are opened to the incredible possibilities that are available to you.’ – Jon Duke

Uniqueness – ‘the embodiment of unique characteristics; the only specimen of a given kind’ or ‘having no like or equal; unparalleled; incomparable’ or ‘not typical; unusual’.

Those of us who are old enough will remember a TV programme (yes, my American friends, that is how you spell it 🤣) called Stars In Their Eyes. It was hosted by Matthew Kelly, and contestants would basically be what we call these days a tribute act / impressionist of a famous singer.

So, tonight Matthew I’m going to be Tony Hadley. ‘Thank you for coming home, I’m sorry that the chairs are all worn. I left them here I could have sworn.These are my salad days. Slowly being eaten away. Just another play for today.Oh but I’m proud of you, but I’m proud of you. Nothing left to make me feel small. Luck has left me standing so tall. Gold!’ (Gold – written by Gary Kemp)

I think you get the picture.

Welcome to my view from the ground. It’s been a funny old week. Why Jon? Thank you for asking. Well, it’s the first week back at work after 2 weeks off. I’m lucky, as I enjoy my job and am grateful to work with such a committed group of people. But, it’s hard to recondition to 6 am starts rather than lolloping about in bed until we’re even bothered to get up.

Then there’s things that Ben and Liv are having to deal with, which such an awesome and inspirational son and daughter shouldn’t have to. Imagine, wanting with all your heart to see and speak to a parent (who is ‘alive’) only for said parent to withdraw contact. Apparently, after being ‘guided’ to read my recent blogs and having ‘reflected’, believes she should cease online contact for now. I’m truly saddened that my words are alleged to be the cause. I’m sure you can guess how Ben and Liv feel. I’m trying to work out if this is a control drama or a poor me situation.

I’d like to set the record straight once and for all. I write my blogs from the heart. I write my blogs with the purpose of trying to help others through sharing the journey, yes, journey, that #TeamDuke have been on over the last 14 months – and more to be fair. We’re in a bloody good place now and we want others to be in a similar place of happiness.

Yes, I have been angry at the circumstances that caused us to set sail on this journey but we are bigger (my waist), better, and stronger as a result. Our love for each other is quite unbelievable and we now have Audrey and her wonderful family as part of our group. We are blessed, yes, blessed!, to still be part of the Waller family. What is wrong with that?

Okay, the Dark Side Of The Moonie raised questions. But these were my questions, not from Ben and Liv. And, that’s all they were, questions!

As I said, my blogs are written to help others and, hopefully, put a smile on the reader’s face. I reflect on what I write before I publish it so I stand by every word I’ve written. However, for Ben and Liv to apparently be cast aside by their mother is upsetting and I must question the damaging effect that a person / people around her have had on a woman who was such a wonderfully inspirational mother.

Ok, so what else. Well, I’m glad you asked. I’ve watched the reader numbers of the blog grow quite incredibly. I really want to reach out further and would ask if you could share these blogs please. Some are currently been updated ready to be shaped into book 1 – working title now ‘Yes, you can call me Dum’.

As those who know me well, I like to use Facebook – a lot! Sometimes, I will read something that I don’t quite agree with, and sometimes I will respond raising a question to such a post. However, that all it is – a question. I’m not saying the other person is wrong or that I am right. I usually am ………. JOKE! What I don’t intend though is for the writer of the post to be upset and withdraw from a specific Facebook group as a result. We are all entitled to an opinion and we are all unique and should celebrate our uniqueness (well, unless your mind has been bombarded with the warped views of the deluded). So, if I offend anyone by my questioning their posts, sorry. That’s just the unique me.

None of us should be a clone. There are too many people willing to look at someone, read something, be preached to and then hold up a mirror and say ’that’s me, that is’. Really? Is it you or are you a clone? Are you Dolly the sheep? I can hear it now, ‘baa, off he goes!’

Come on world, stand in your own truth. Be you, be unique, and be proud.

And, so, I’d like to finish with some lyrics from a song I heard a couple of days ago. It’s a young Welsh band, Neck Deep, and I found the words quite incredible so I want to share them. I’d recommend looking them up. The new album contains some very personal words.

“Don’t Wait” – Neck Deep (feat. Sam Carter)

“Disrupted they keep dividing

The government is lying

I’m not going to be a Pharisee of this society

Turn off your TV station

That’s not real information

Trying to define the human mind

It’s like puppetry

And they’ve got you by your strings

Playing God for money

A sorry sad charade

You can see right through it

Don’t wait for anyone

Say it for you

Say it for yourself

What if God was the beggar in disguise

Would it make any difference

Would you open your eyes?

Suspend your disbelief

Are you paying close attention

If you blink than you might miss their tricks and their deception

Destruct and disobey their laws

They say cause all the world is dark

And if you choose to read the news

Than you must question everything

And they’ve got you on your knees

They’ve got your milk and honey

And then we put them on the parade

And celebrate what’s coming

Don’t wait for anyone

Say it for you

Say it for yourself

What if God was the beggar in disguise

Would it make any difference

Would you open your eyes?

No path
 No grave 
No justice
 No peace
 The deep parade
 The truth will set you free
 No path 
No grave 
No justice 
No peace

Dig deep and see

The government is lying

Don’t wait for anyone

Say it for you

Say it for yourself

What if God was the beggar in disguise

Would it make any difference

Would you open your eyes?

No path
 No grave
 No justice
 No peace

The deep parade

The truth will set you free

No path
 No grave
 No justice
 No peace

Would it make any difference

Would you open your eyes?”

 

I just love it. Take care and, remember, be unique. It’s not a game of clones.

 

Jon

 

 

 

Somebody told me to be Mr (always look on the) Brightside (of life)

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‘Truth is, I’ll never know all there is to know about you just as you will never know all there is to know about me. Humans are by nature too complicated to be understood fully. So, we can choose either to approach our fellow human beings with suspicion or to approach them with an open mind, a dash of optimism and a great deal of candour.’ – Tom Hanks

‘Half full?’; ‘Half empty?’. Which are you? Or how about, a bottomless refill kind of person? That’s something to aspire to.

‘Some things in life are bad. They can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you’re chewing on life’s gristle. Don’t grumble, give a whistle. And this’ll help things turn out for the best… And…always look on the bright side of life… Always look on the light side of life.’ – the word according to Monty Python.

What has possessed me? Let’s see as we wind our way to find out quite what the latest View From The Ground looks like.

I receive daily motivational quotes. Most, to be honest, are no better than the Christmas Cracker jokes from the local Pound / Dollar / Euro, and so on, shop. However, I could really resonate with today’s – “Don’t we love the negatives!!!!! No one puts up a great sign ‘Beware a nice dog’”. Just let that hang like a 3 week old celebration balloon from the garden gate for a minute.

Maybe we should get that sign for Ringo. Yes, he barks. But so does Audrey (joke!). She yaps (JOKE!!). But, he is a rather nice dog. Just ask the local take away delivery man. Ringo has helped his sprinting ability – from the front door of the house to the car in 5 seconds.

It’s a funny old world. No, really, it is. A society governed by laws allows the lawless the ability to do what they want whilst the law abiding get the law thrown at them at every opportunity. Surely, that’s fun. No??? Okay, I get it. You’ve had a bad day.

Joking apart, I do worry at some of the lunacy that seems to go on. We’ve just had an example locally of the lawless doing what they want, when a growing group of ‘travellers’ took up residency on some privately owned sports fields. For a week, they used the fields at their will, causing damage to the sports pitches, using trees for toilets, the dogs doing their stuff where ever. Our ineffectual legal system allowed them to do what they wanted, until at last a notice to leave did the job and off they have travelled to their next illegal parking place. If you see them, can you tell them they left their rubbish and toilet remains behind.

Maybe it’s time for me to remember to look on the bright side. Well, that’s what somebody told me.

Well, we’re all vulnerable to slip into having a good old moan. But, I’m slowly learning to ensure that doesn’t become the norm – just an occasional slip. But, sometimes, an occasional slip is quite nice.

Anyway, just imagine if, rather than half full or half empty, we could all be refillable? Well, think about it. We can! Every day is a new start. Another opportunity to punch the air, or the cat (NO!!!!). Punch the air and celebrate, we’re alive. That’s definitely a refillable moment. We can start anew and just get on with the day. If the news of yesterday was so annoying, don’t let it be the news of today. Focus on what you can effect. And that starts with you.

Whoops, sorry, I’ve gone all preachy. Actually, I haven’t. I’m talking to myself. Yes, somebody told me I’m not always mister bright side. Now, that’s a bit of a killer but I am only human. For reasons unknown, some mornings I forget to smile like I mean it.

But, joking apart, this is a routine I have to undergo every day, to ensure I give me the best opportunity to make sure it’s the best day possible. Not only for me but for #TeamDuke and everyone I encounter during the course of the day.

And, perhaps, this is a routine a lot of us need to go through.  Just think about it, if we see ourselves as refillable rather than half empty or half full, or half broken, or whatever, what a great chance we have of positively impacting someone else. I previous wrote a blog about the effect we can have by having a positive interaction with someone else, for them to then do the same, and that person to do it as well, and so on. The 1 5 10 effect. One person soon grows to five, which grows to ten and then one hundred etc. We can all make a difference.

I can hear the question, but what difference does it make? Well, try it. Try it now? How soon is now? You’ll get nowhere fast if you don’t try.

So, the sermon today is concluded with another quick burst of ‘always look on the bright side of life’. As people say, it’s not a rehearsal, so let’s enjoy it. Yes, we’ll make some mistakes and, yes, we don’t need to follow the auto cue (unlike Mr. Trump).

But, live, laugh, love, and refill.

 

Jon

 

 

 

 

Without us we are nothing

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“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” – Buddha

“Human greatness does not lie in wealth or power, but in character and goodness. People are just people, and all people have faults and shortcomings, but all of us are born with a basic goodness.” – Anne Frank

Name 5 people you would invite to dinner. Only 5? Do they have to be alive? (only if you really are going to invite them) And so the deep thought begins. Who would you invite?

Welcome to my perch amongst the undergrowth as I look, with admiration, at the sky. Another random launch into a blog? It’s just one of a series of questions posed at a rather wonderful meal earlier in the week. But it’s a question that really did make me think. Do you invite family / friends? Celebrities? Sports personalities? Beautiful women? World leaders and philosophers? How about homeless people, or lonely people? I bet very few people think that deeply.

I’m lucky in that I get to eat with 5 wonderful people regularly. Maybe not all at the same time. Sometimes, not always in the same room. But, it’s 5 wonderful people.

“Come together as a team to achieve a common goal” = Team. Simple really. But, what am I talking about? Thanks for the question. Here’s the answer.

I guess I’ve focussed on #TeamDuke rather a lot this year. The collective of #TeamDuke started as me, Ben, and Liv, as we rose like a Phoenix from the scorched pit in which we were sheltering. Dramatic, eh?

However, #TeamDuke is so much more than the 3 of us and it certainly isn’t an exclusive club. Anything but to be honest. I now view #TeamDuke as a name for the hope that I believe we can give others through the blogs about our growth to where we are now.

And, along the way, #TeamDuke, as in the collective, has grown and what a joy that has been. The previous blogs have documented our growth but, again, #TeamDuke is not exclusive. The only qualifying criteria is to have an open heart.

So, here we are, already 7 1/2 months into 2017 and what have we achieved? Against a backdrop of world madness, I think we have come a long way but in reality the course of our path has only started.

This year started with the specific objective of making it a brilliant year, certainly better than last year. So far, so good. Through it being a brilliant year that has allowed us to focus better on what we have and on all of those wonderful mindfulness learnings discussed in the last blog – Always On My Mindful aka It’s Not A Sin. Through that, I am keen that we reach out and share our enjoyment of life, our fun, and our gratitude for where we are in the hope of lifting others to a better place.

I found the following anonymous quote this morning ‘Family is anyone who loves you unconditionally’. It really hit me as summing up everything I believe in 7 words. The dictionary definition of family talks about parents and children, blood relatives etc. Well, in my humble opinion, that is complete hogwash. Apart from it misses out on adoption, fostering etc, it completely misses the wider context of family. For me, family are those that are there for you, and who you are there for, unconditionally. Those that are there for you, and that you are there for, no matter who at.

And, that is how #TeamDuke has grown as a collective. A group of unconditionally connected people. A group who also want to reach out to be there for those in their hour of need. But also to be there to celebrate the good and the great.

This is why I see #TeamDuke as a badge. Not actually a badge of honour. A badge of friendship and family.

It’s interesting that since Audrey graced my life / our lives a splint ‘#’ has formed – #TeamDurk – as our families connect. But, let’s not forget the rest of the Duke, Ashby, Kirk, Waller, Smith, Ramsden, etc who have and are gracing our lives. And all of the wonderful friends who have touched our lives and being there to provide strength, love and unity.

The kindness that has been shown has been overwhelming and life affirming and it is my mission to show my gratitude by being there for others in whatever shape or form that is needed.

Without us #TeamDuke is nothing. Without you, we are nothing. With us, we can and will be awesome. Let’s live life like it’s the first day of our lives. Let’s live life likes it’s the best day of our lives. It is, because it’s today. Don’t forget – “What day is it?” asked Pooh. “It’s today,” squeaked Piglet. “My favourite day,” said Pooh.

Thanks, again, for taking time to share in our world. We love it. Everyday (even the rubbish ones, because we have each other).

 

Jon

Always on my mindful aka it’s not a sin

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“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – Buddha

“What day is it?” asked Pooh. “It’s today,” squeaked Piglet. “My favourite day,” said Pooh. – AA Milne.

“Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).” – James Baraz

Throw those curtains wide, sang Guy Garvey, one day like this a year would see me right. Well, I’d quite like a day like this every day. Is today that good? As Pooh said, today is my favourite day.

Hello again. A few days break from the corporate world and the words are flowing. The Dark Side Of The Moonie blog reaction was rather overwhelming. It was based on a subject that has caused me some concern for a while and I’m glad I managed to get the blog completed. Thank you for your support. Anyway, that was then and this is now. It’s all a matter of ABC (an 80s song reference).

What’s so good about today? Well, it’s good because it’s Something Just Like This (a recent blog reference).

Okay, let’s crack on with the blog. Thanks for joining me on this latest View From The Ground. I thought I might be distracted as serious words have started on a Book 2. Book 2? What about Book 1? Was that These Wings Can Fly? Noooooo! As the the main author found her crow like wings and flew off in search of the Fifth Dimension (not a boy band reference), that book is confined to history as one of the greatest books of fiction ever written (apart from my bit). If you want a copy, let me know. Any money raised through the sale of the books will be donated to an appropriate charity.

I have several boxes of the book to off-load as the flown crow left them behind in her haste to convert to Archangel status before becoming an end of year celebrity by featuring on the police missing list. If you see her, perhaps mention the books might be useful in the coming colder weather to light the cult (duly spellchecked) camp fires. At the same time, let her know Ben and Liv say ‘hi’. They’re her son and daughter. I think she’s forgotten. She’ll be with a rather tall and glum looking fella. I won’t speak on behalf of his wonderful family. I’m proud to know his wife and sons and her friends. Truly awesome people.

And, before anyone says ‘ooo, that all sounds a bit harsh’, don’t worry, it’s my bizarre sense of humour. I’m just throwing back the curtains and embracing another awesome day in the world of #TeamDuke. I’m in the middle of a 2 week break from work and am loving every day of it. Lots of time with Ben, Liv and Audrey. Lots of walking the dogs. Lots of laughs. Lots of hugs. Lots of living in the moment. Bliss! And, that’s just it, as Buddha said, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

My above words are not dwelling in the past. I have learned to flip the past anger into present humour. And that brings me back to Book 2 – now provisionally titled ‘And so, the door closed. Archangel De-light’. It’s a fictional work, and I’m having fun writing it. Let’s just say, it’s a great release for my unique look on life.

Book 1? That’s going to be a rewrite of the #TeamDuke blogs, in the hope of providing hope, humour, and humility. Title – You Can Call Me Dummy. Maybe? Work that one out. I guess I have circa 50,000 words to work on so watch this space. I just need to become more mindful rather than having a mind full.

Which, miraculously brings me on to topic for this latest blog (spell check just suggested lasagna, which reminds me I need some bread).

Mindfulness – ‘the psychological process of bringing one’s attention to experiences occurring in the present moment, which can be developed through the practice of meditation and other training. The term “mindfulness” is a translation of the Pali term sati, which is a significant element of Buddhist traditions. In Buddhist teachings, mindfulness is utilised to develop self-knowledge and wisdom that gradually lead to what is described as enlightenment or the complete freedom from suffering.’

Okay, that’s the intelligent description of mindfulness. However, the key bit for me is ‘bringing one’s attention to experiences occurring in the present moment.’

And it’s the focussing on the present moment that is helping to project #TeamDuke forwards.

I guess a lot of the latter half of 2016 was spent dwelling on the past, almost trying to reach backwards and pull forwards all of the good memories in the hope that they could return. Does that make sense?

However, events had occurred which meant closing that book, and allowing a new book to start writing itself.

In reality, and this is where mindfulness has really helped, I am now understanding the need to just focus on today and by doing that, it can truly be my favourite day. Think about it. Try waking up and just focussing on that exact moment. The first positive is – you woke up!

As those who have read previous blogs will know, we now have a dog – Ringo. He was poorly recently, so I let him sleep with me. He’s well again but, he still sleeps with me. However, he is great for practicing mindfulness because the minute he sees I’m awake, he wants a hug, to be stroked, and to be loved. That’s it. No worries about work, money, news, traffic etc. His only thought is that present moment. Bang! Mindfulness captured on 4 legs.

I’ve already written about my walks with Ringo but, again, it’s mindfulness personified – walk, breathe in the fresh air, listen to the birds, look at the greenery and flowers, enjoy the exercise. Bang! Mindfulness on the end of an extendable lead.

Mindfulness is a daily challenge, so I’m not saying it’s easy. Of course my mind / our minds drift backwards but I that’s becoming more manageable. Of course, the wee Scottish person in my life, Audrey, helps more that she realises. Audrey is a gem beyond words. As I’ve told her, she captures unconditional love in action without trying. She’s there for me, and for Ben and Liv. That’s whilst been an awesome mum to Eilidh and Liam. A true blessing that we are together to enjoy today. Tomorrow? When today is my / our favourite day I / we don’t need to think about tomorrow.

So, there you have in. Always being mindful isn’t a sin. Quite the opposite, it’s the thing!

Let’s follow Pooh and Piglet and make sure we make today our favourite day. Live, laugh, love. Breathe in the joy, look at the beauty, and listen to the magic. It’s the only way.

Throw those curtains wide, today being my favourite day will see me right.

 

Jon

 

 

 

 

Dark side of the moonie

Posted on by View from the ground

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Welcome to a View From The Ground. Yes, another blog but, this time, it’s a slightly left of centre look at a subject which has been high in my thinking for some time. Why? Thank you for asking. Mainly because the subject is something which, in my humble opinion, needs to be looked at.

I’ve been intrigued by spirituality for some time. Partly because I regard myself as a spiritual person but equally because of the various forms it appears to manifest itself into.

So, to start with, let’s look at the definition of spirituality – ‘the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.’

I think that is very conclusive. However, I then looked at Wikipedia and I want to share some words from their page on spirituality: –

‘Traditionally, spirituality refers to a religious process of re-formation which “aims to recover the original shape of man,” oriented at “the image of God” as exemplified by the founders and sacred texts of the religions of the world. In modern times the emphasis is on subjective experience of a sacred dimension and the “deepest values and meanings by which people live,” often in a context separate from organised religious institution. Modern spirituality typically includes a belief in a supernatural (beyond the known and observable) realm, personal growth, a quest for an ultimate/sacred meaning, religious experience, or an encounter with one’s own “inner dimension.”
The meaning of spirituality has developed and expanded over time, and various connotations can be found alongside each other. The term “spirituality” originally developed within early Christianity, referring to a life oriented toward the Holy Spirit. During late medieval times the meaning broadened to include mental aspects of life, while in modern times the term both spread to other religious traditions and broadened to refer to a wider range of experience, including a range of esoteric traditions.’

I hope I’ve not bored you. I just thought the above text was useful to put into context the traditional definition of spirituality versus a modern, I think, more self absorbing definition.

Now, let me set things straight. My words are just that – mine. This is not a view about any religion. I wouldn’t be so insulting to comment on anyone’s religious beliefs. I guess I’m looking at how a more extreme, radical take on spirituality could be taking a stranglehold on something which is meant to be for the good of all.

A sweeping statement? Maybe, but I believe I have experienced enough to get hold of a brush and sweep away.

I’m not into where badges as it were, but when I look at the way I try and live my life – through love, helping others before myself (unless the oxygen mask drops down on a plane – then I follow the pre-flight instructions), not basing my life around material things (any more), and trying to spread positivity – some would pin the spiritual badge on me. And that’s just fine.

There are always turning points in life and I had one a few years ago when I was encouraged – positively – to re-evaluate the way I looked at life. It was a positive turning point.

For some time, it all developed quite nicely. However, I then started to see – in a few others, one of whom you could say I was rather close to – a darker, more ego lead version of what they still claimed was spirituality. Let me expand (not just my stomach).

I’m not sure how many people have come across the ‘significance’ of the number 144,000. Again, to many, this is just another innocent connection into spirituality. I would have to say, I was one of that many. It seemed like a number, or at least 144, appeared randomly. I got almost obsessed – I’d look at the clock – 1.44 pm; a score at rugby – 14 4; etc. Of course, I didn’t obsess at every other time I saw on the clock or every other rugby score. Yes, I was hooked.

It took a significant ‘jolt’ to shake me into seeing this focus on 144,000 was an obsession.

I’ve been doing a little digging into the meaning of 144,000. Here’s one, in that it is a number one that represents ‘either descendants of Jacob (also called Israel in the Bible) or others to whom God has given a superior destiny with a distinct role at the time of the end of the world’.

Interesting! Let’s just repeat that – a superior destiny with a distinct role at the time of the end of the world.

However, let us not forget that 144,000 is mentioned in the Book Of Revelations. The following are not my words but something else that I have found on-line. The Book Of Revelations predicts and forecasts ‘the incarnation and arrival of 144,000 lightworkers who will save earth from the “forces of darkness” during the end times of the kali yuga. Most of the 144,000 lightworkers are now here and in the process of “waking up” to their divine purpose and mission on earth. The majority of the 144,000 are advanced incarnated starseeds from more advanced planets, although some of the 144,000 are advanced local souls of earth. Most of the 144,000 are now in the process of “waking up” and coming out of their long mental and spiritual hibernation, slowly but surely realising that they are here to assist in the great transformation of earth.’

Now, if you are still reading this, I don’t know about you but most of that reads like another language. However, the key part for me was ‘they are here to assist in the great transformation of earth’.

So, straight away, I have a conflict in my mind – are the 144,000 special ones here to have a superior destiny with a distinct role at the time of the end of the world? Or are they here to assist in the great transformation of earth?

Maybe it’s all down to your particular leaning. Or, is it all down to what fits with your own ego? Just throwing that question out there.

Call me naive – go on. ‘Jon – you’re naive’. Thank you. Anyway, as I’ve said earlier, I see spirituality as something which is about looking inwards at yourself to then be able to look outwards to help others. It’s about not being materialistic but about concentrating on supporting a greater good.

So, where does this ‘greater destiny’ fit in?

So, please let me look at this ‘greater destiny’ malarkey. I have been closely connected with someone who believed that they were 1 of the 144,000 and they believed they were in contact with others who regarded themselves as 1 of the 144,000. I seem to remember that 2 of said group felt that they sat at a table with others and in fact I think a group of 12 connected together. Now, thankfully, I wasn’t 1 of the 12 otherwise I would now be hearing screams of ‘Judas!’

Be it my not being one of the privileged or maybe it was my growing scepticism of this collective of chosen ones, but even last year I started to wonder what the mission was this ‘higher order’. Believe me, it was the latter. The idea of sitting around a table believing that I am akin to being one of the disciples is bordering on laughable. As an over weight, over aged, gruff Yorkshireman, I’m very happy in my earthly skin thank you very much. The only hot air I blast out follows a good old Indian meal.

Well, as the 2 referred to above decided that their ‘greater destiny’ was so great that they abandoned life as we know it – i.e. walked away from family, friends (well, one of them had friends), but more importantly, their children, you must question this extreme take on spirituality. Does abandonment of your children and responsibilities fall into the definition of being ‘here to assist in the great transformation of earth’? Let me leave that question hanging there.

Sticking to the debate over whether the 144,000 special ones are here to have a superior destiny with a distinct role at the time of the end of the world or here to assist in the great transformation of earth, does that bring the requirement to operate under a new name – as an Archangel?

I love it, and I can feel a book coming – Archangel Delight.

Anyway, in my plight to truly understand this subject, a quick look at the various definitions of Archangel was, let’s say, insightful. These words I found particularly interesting – ‘Archangel is a classification of angels who have great rank and power.  Apparently, there are three archangels: Michael, Gabriel, and Lucifer.’

I kid you not when I say that I have seen a communication from 1 of the said 2, signed off as Archangel Michael. I’ll just leave that thought there, with a question – is this quest for the greater good or is this a misguided belief that when the predicted hell reigns on Earth, he with wings and she by his side will rise above the hell and land back on the ground to take their view and to use their skills to life off the land with the other 139,998 life lottery ticket winners.

Don’t worry by the way, I can think of at least 2 predicted world endings that have passed with a whimper – although, when my beloved rugby league team, the mighty Leeds Rhinos were fighting for Super League survival last year it felt like the end of the world.

So, my interest in this extreme form of spirituality has found a group of people who appear to believe that they possibly have a ‘greater destiny’ and an even smaller group who have transformed into Archangels and who, in their higher ‘state’ seem to be gathering a group in their ‘safe’ environment.

Now, I am of an age when I remember a so called group who traded under the banner of the ‘moonies’. For those who don’t know them, the moonies were / are ‘a religious group whose members must obey its rules and teachings completely’.

I am not suggesting anything here, but just throwing it out there. I did have a coffee with a group of moonies in the 80s and was invited to a meeting. Suffice it to say, I’m glad I left it at the coffee – and now drink tea 😱.

The other thinking, at best, is a group of people gathered around an Archangel and partner could be seen as a sect? A sect – ‘a group of people with somewhat different religious beliefs (typically regarded as heretical) from those of a larger group to which they belong.’

As I keep saying, these are just my thoughts as I try to understand this extreme form of spirituality which makes 2 (maybe) normal (maybe) people walk out on their children and, one of them, a family to whom they were a pivotal person. Is this normal spirituality or a dangerous extreme version?

Please be assured that I truly respect everyone has a right to an opinion, a belief, but my concern with this ‘version’ of spirituality has grown. I have seen at first hand it’s damaging effect.

Me? Well, I will keep going on my path. To be a reliable, loving, supportive, unconditional father to a Ben and Liv. To be a loving son, brother, uncle, brother-in-law, friend etc to all of those who mean everything to me. And now, a loving partner to Audrey – the truly awesome soul that I am blessed to have alongside me.

Thank you for reading this. I’m not sure how many people this blog will reach out to but it needed writing. Cathartic in the very least.

 

Jon